Transcript of A Tail of Two Cats

This page contains dialogue related to A Tail of Two Cats. The content below is copied verbatim from RuneScape and thus copyrighted by Jagex.

This transcript involves dialogue with Apothecary, Bob (cat), Gertrude, Hild, King Black Dragon, Neite, Reldo, Sphinx, and Unferth.

Talking to Unferth

• Unferth: Hello, I see you have a cat.
• Cat: Meow.
• Player: Indeed I do! Do you have a cat?
• Unferth: I do! His name is Bob but I can't find him
• Player: Oh dear...
• Unferth: I haven't seen him for a week! What am I to do?!
• Cat: What a wet blanket. Bob can look after himself.
• Player: I know puss, but he is in distress.
• Unferth: Whaa...
• Player: Never mind.
• Offer to help.
  • Player: Tell you what. I'll help you!
  • Unferth: Would you? Oh that would be so great! I don't want to leave the house in case Bob comes back. He must be hungry by now!
  • Cat: This guy gets on my nerves.
  • Player: Shh!
  • Unferth: Huh?
  • Player: Er... Where did you see Bob last?
  • Unferth: Well he usually comes back to me once a week. Usually a Monday.
  • Player: Wonder why on a Monday?
  • Unferth: Hmph, well this week he hasn't come back for his food and I'm worried.
  • Player: So he could be anywhere?
  • Unferth: I guess so. I've just had an idea!
  • Cat: Oh my, you win...a biscuit!
  • Player: Puss!
  • Unferth: Do you want to help or not?!
  • Player: I said I would, didn't I?
  • Unferth: Ok.
  • Unferth: My friend Hild is cleverer than me...
  • Cat: ANYONE would be 'cleverer'.
  • Player: Hehe!
  • Unferth: This isn't funny!
  • Player: Sorry!
  • Unferth: Where was I? Oh yes... my friend Hild might be able to locate where Bob is, she lives in the house just up the road.
  • Player: Ok. I'll go speak to her!
  • Unferth: Please hurry!
• Good bye.

Talking to Hild

• Hild: Greetings Adventurer, why have you come to me in my abode?
• Player: Greetings Hild, I am trying to find Unferth's cat...
• Cat: Unferth's cat? Pfft! Unferth is Bob's human!
• Player: What are you talking about?
• Hild: Your cat speaks some truth, it is humans that misinterpret their relationship with cats.
• Player: You understand what my cat is saying?!
• Hild: Indeed.
• Player: Er...
• Cat: Bob didn't come home this week.
• Hild: Hmm. This is not like Bob, I wonder what could be the problem?
• Cat: I don't think there is a problem, Bob is probably chasing females again.
• Player: Hello? I'm still here!
• Hild: I am sorry Player. I will help Unferth find Bob, he has been a friend of mine for many years.
• Player: Ah... good! He could be anywhere though!
• Hild: I see you have an Amulet of Catspeak. If you open the amulet up, you will see contained inside is a mechanism. If this is enchanted correctly it can be used to locate a cat, in our case Bob. If you bring me five death runes then I will be able to perform the enchantment for you.
• Player: I have the death runes with me now.
• Hild: Good. Give me the amulet so that I may perform the enchantment.

You pass Hild the amulet.

Hild gives you the enchanted amulet.

• Hild: Using the enchanted amulet is easy; open up the amulet and you'll see a cat's face, use the whiskers to rotate the cat's nose. You'll see the nose move and the new direction highlighted. When the nose points in the direction that Bob is in, the eyes will light up and the mouth will open. You'll need to head in that direction and then check the direction again. If you are very close to Bob then the eyes and mouth will animate no matter which way the nose is pointing. That's all there is to it, good luck!
• Player: Thanks!

Talking to Bob

• Player: Bob! I've found you at last!
• Cat: Hi Bob!
• Bob: Hi there, son.
• Player: Don't start that again!
• Cat: The humans have been looking for you. They get worried too easily.
• Bob: Ah, I should've realised Unferth would miss me.
• Cat: What's up?
• Bob: Sigh. I can't believe it but I've fallen for Neite.
• Player: Neite...now, I'm sure I've heard that name before...
• Bob: What a beauty she is. It's the way the shimmer from the hot sand makes her eyes sparkle, the way she flicks her tail as she leaps gracefully across the pyramids, the way she cleans herself after a good rat. As you humans would say, she's the cat's whiskers. Oh, how I long to be curled up with her in front of a log fire and a big bowl of tuna. Menaphos would be a great place to start a family.
• Cat: Wow! He's got it bad - real bad! I never thought I'd see the day.
• Bob: I know, but there is something about her. The way she...well, it's everything! Oh, the hidden pain of love. Love lies not with the eyes but with the mind, and therefore is the winged Cupid painted blind.
• Player: I'm starting to feel sick...
• Bob: I haven't been home because I wanted to be alone.
• Cat: Does Neite feel the same way about you?
• Bob: She said she has feelings for me, but would never get involved with anyone with no family or status.
• Cat: Don't you know who your parents are?
• Bob: All I know is that Gertrude found me on her doorstep one day. She looked after me when I was a kitten.
• Player: The crazy cat lady?
• Cat: Don't you have any memory of your parents?
• Bob: Nothing! The farthest back I can remember is Gertrude looking after me.
• Cat: Player, let's go and talk to Gertrude; perhaps she knows who Bob's parents are.
• Player: Do I look like a matchmaker?
• Cat: Come on! We can help Bob.

Talking to Gertrude

• Ask about Bob's parents.
  • Player: Hello again Gertrude!
  • Gertrude: Welcome back adventurer! How is your cat?
  • Cat: I'm fine, thanks.
  • Player: He says he's fine.
  • Gertrude: What can I do for you then? I hope it's not about death runes. I heard a terrible rumour you know.
  • Player: Death runes? No idea.... No, it's not that. I, erm...
  • Gertrude: Come on, spit it out.
  • Player: This is going to sound silly...
  • Gertrude: Why, are you going to talk in a stupid accent? Go on, try me.
  • Player: Ok... Well... Do you know who Bob's parents are?
  • Gertrude: Bob.... you mean the big tomcat who hangs around the Heroes' guild? No, I'm afraid I don't know a lot about him. People round here know I care for sick and abandoned animals, and one day I found a basket with a kitten inside it left on my doorstep. I brought him up as best I could and he soon learnt to take care of himself. He really was an amazing little thing. There was this one time when.....
  • Cat: We don't have time for this - Bob could be in trouble! Tell her to get on with it.
  • Gertrude: Crumbs! Your cat's quite noisy isn't it? Is everything OK?
  • Player: No, it's erm... It needs to be taken to the vets, URGENTLY. For an emergency AMPUTATION!
  • Cat: I do hope you're joking. These claws are real, you know; none of your bronze nonsense.
  • Player: See, it just can't stop howling. Allergic to cat hair apparently. Anyway, you were talking about Bob's parents.
  • Gertrude: Oh was I... Oh yes, well, I'm afraid I don't know anything about them adventurer.
  • Cat: Hang on, maybe this is something to do with the legend. Yes, it just might! Have you ever heard of Robert the Strong?
  • Player: Vaguely?
  • Cat: Ask Gertrude if she knows anything.
  • Player: Hmm... Gertrude, do you know anything of the legend, Robert the Strong?
  • Gertrude: No, sorry. If it's a legend, it's Reldo you need to talk to. He's in Varrock palace library, knows all about that kind of thing.
  • Cat: Good old Gertrude! Come on, lets[sic] go.
  • Player: But...
  • Cat: I'll explain later.

Talking to Reldo

• About the Task System... (Irrelevant to the quest)
• I'd like to talk about something else.
  • Ask about Robert the Strong.
    • Reldo: Hello.
    • Player: Hello Reldo.
    • Cat: Go on, ask him.
    • Player: Ok, ok. I'm on it. Do you know anything about Robert the Strong?
    • Reldo: Hmm... wow... let me see... there is a mention of him in one of my books on the history of RuneScape. Fourth Age... Popular Lore... Ah here we are, Robert the Strong! 'Not much is known about the hero called by the people of Asgarnia: Robert the Strong. Most folk tales describe him as being taller than the tallest human and far stronger than the strongest man. He wields a six foot tall longbow and travels with his faithful panther Odysseus. He is said to have had a personal crusade against the Dragonkin...'
    • Player: Dragonkin?
    • Reldo: I'm coming to that. 'The stories tell of the Dragonkin being an intelligent race of bird like creatures that walked rather than used their wings. They are said to be immortal but cannot reproduce, because of this they became very afraid of death and shunned all other races. The Dragonkin made corrupted versions of themselves for protection, what we now know as dragons.' Well that's everything we know about him and that is from folk tales.
    • Player: Doesn't sound very believable.
    • Reldo: Very little is known about this early part of RuneScape, but unlike many scholars, I believe that folk tales are based on events that actually happened. It is the way history has been passed down generations before we had a way of recording it.
    • Player: Thank you Reldo, you've been most... helpful. That was a nice tale for mothers to tell their children but I don't see how this helps Bob?
    • Cat: Don't you think it's odd that no one knows where Bob came from?
    • Player: I guess, but he's just a cat... right?
    • Cat: I hoped that you would've realised that there's more to cats than humans believe!
    • Player: Ok, ok! I get your point, after all I'm being dragged round RuneScape by... my cat!
    • Cat: I wouldn't say dragged, let's call it a partnership.
    • Player: Ok! So you are saying that Robert the Strong is... is... Bob?!
    • Cat: Let's ask Bob!
    • Player: Let's go!

Talking to Bob again

• Player: Hi Bob!
• Bob: Did you find out who my parents are?
• Player: Not exactly...
• Cat: We think you are, or used to be, Robert the Strong!
• Bob: Robert the who?
• Player: I thought this was stupid.
• Cat: Robert the Strong was a great hero. You have no memory of him?
• Bob: No, I'm afraid not.
• Cat: Does a black panther called Odysseus ring any bells?
• Bob: No...
• Cat: What about the dragonkin? A vicious race of bird-like creatures?
• Bob: Nothing...
• Player: Looks like there's nothing else we can do, puss.
• Cat: I'm not done yet! Do you remember when you were hypnotised by the Devourer?
• Player: Well no... I was hypnotised!
• Cat: Hehe! The Sphinx understood how, if you were hypnotised, it might be possible to access Bob's memories of Robert the Strong.
• Player: Sounds crazy... guess it might work!
• Cat: Bye, for now Bob. We're going to speak to the Sphinx.
• Bob: Bye.

At Sophanem

• Ask the Sphinx for help.
  • Player: Good day.
  • Sphinx: What is it human?
  • Player: Sphinx, we need your help!
  • Cat: Yes, please help.
  • Sphinx: Very well, I see you have a close relationship with your cat, I will help you if I can. What is the problem?
  • Player: Thank you! Bob is in love with Neite but we need to prove that he used to be Robert the Strong before she will have anything to do with him!
  • Sphinx: Slow down human! Bob has fallen in love? This I did not foresee! Who is this Robert the Strong that you speak of?
  • Player: He was a mighty hero!
  • Sphinx: Human myths interest me not.
  • Cat: Robert the Strong was no ordinary human, though.
  • Sphinx: It is true that there is something about Bob... there is the mark of power on him, I have ignored it for too long.
  • Player: But Bob has no memory of this!
  • Sphinx: Then it is time for action! Come with me into the desert so we are not disturbed.
    • View the cutscene (5 mins 20 secs). (Screen fades black)
    • Skip the cutscene and view summary.
• Talk about something else. (Irrelevant to the quest)

The desert cutscene

• Sphinx: Quiet please.... I shall summon Bob.
• Bob: What? What happened? I was eating a particularly nice piece of tuna.
• Sphinx: Greetings Bob.
• Bob: Oh, hi there Sphinx. Hi there, Player. What's going on?
• Sphinx: I have brought you here to find out who you really are.
• Bob: So, you buy this Robert the Strong stuff?
• Sphinx: I have long suspected that your appearance as an ordinary cat belies your true nature.
• Bob: Hey! I'm just this cat, you know?
• Sphinx: Look into my eyes.
• Bob: Sure, whatever.
• Sphinx: You are now under my influence. Let's start with something simple. What is your name?
• Bob: My name is Bob.
• Sphinx: Good. Are you or have you ever been called Robert the Strong?
• Bob: I...I don't know.
• Sphinx: Think back to your earliest memories.
• Bob: I see a big cat.
• Sphinx: Where are you now?
• Bob: I am in front of a dark tower. The cat is called Odysseus.
• Sphinx: What is your name?
• Bob: My name is Robert. I am walking towards the tower.

A cutscene appears showing the Dragonkin castle

• Robert the Strong: Come, Odysseus!
• Dragonkin: Hesente!

Odysseus and Robert the Strong engage in battle with the dragonkin

Odysseus lies on the floor, the dragonkin and Robert are very damaged, Robert kneels down

• Dragonkin: Crasortius!

Robert stands up

• Robert the Strong: Never!

Robert the Strong defeats the dragonkin

The cutscene closes

• Sphinx: You are no longer under my influence.
• Cat: Wow Bob! You really are Robert the Strong!
• Bob: I am?
• Cat: Yes! When you were hypnotised you told us of when you defeated a dragonkin!
• Bob: I did?
• Cat: Yes! How can Neite refuse you now?
• Bob: Really?
• Cat: Sphinx, summon Neite, please!
• Sphinx: There are more important matters than match making.
• Cat: That can wait. Bob has been lovesick, so we have to tell Neite.
• Sphinx: Very well! I shall summon Neite!
• Neite: Oh furballs!
• Cat: Hi, Neite!
• Neite: Hello, to what do I owe this pleasure?
• Cat: Bob is Robert the Strong!
• Neite: What are you talking about?
• Cat: The Sphinx hypnotised Bob. Bob told us about when he was Robert the Strong, fighting dragonkin.
• Neite: So you're supposed to be Robert the Strong?
• Bob: So they tell me.
• Neite: Hmph.
• Sphinx: For too long I have ignored the fact that there is a mark of power on Bob. Under my influence Bob was able to recall memories that had remained hidden until now. It proves he is, or was, Robert the Strong.
• Neite: Wow. Come here, you.
• Bob: Meew
• Neite: (Neite whispers in Bob's ear.)
• Bob: Neite! Of course, kitten. Hey, Player, could you do me a favour?
• Player: Of course.
• Bob: Neite and I are going away for a few days. Could you look after Unferth for me while I'm away?
• Player: Er... sure.
• Bob: I'll give you a list of what needs doing.
• Player: OK, no problem Bob.

Screen fades black

Talking to Unferth

• Player: Hi Unferth, I'm doing some ch...
• Cat: Hiss!
• Player: What?!
• Cat: Don't tell him you're doing his chores. Part of the cat-human relationship is to let them believe they are in control.
• Player: Ah... OK.
• Player: Never mind.
• Unferth: Hmph.

After completing all the chores

• Cat: Well done, that's all the chores finished! Let's talk to Unferth to see if there's anything else we can do.
• Player: Hi Unferth, is there anything I can do for you?
• Unferth: Ugh...
• Cat: Now what?
• Unferth: I don't feel so good...
• Player: Oh dear! What's up?
• Cat: Nothing, I bet.
• Player: Shh!
• Unferth: I think I need the Doctor...ugh...
• Player: What Doctor is that?
• Unferth: Just a Doctor... please hurry... I don't think I'll last long...
• Cat: Snarl!
• Player: We can't let Bob see him like this!
• Cat: I guess you're right, there is the Apothecary in Varrock.
• Player: Good idea!

Talking to the Apothecary

• Tell the Apothecary that Unferth is ill.
  • Player: Hello Apothecary, Unferth has fallen ill. Could you go and see him please?
  • Apothecary: That Unferth! Honestly, I have been to see him more times than my Mother's hair has fallen out!
  • Cat: I never did like that guy.
  • Player: I'm beginning to agree with you!
  • Player: What can I do with Unferth?
  • Cat: I have a few suggestions.
  • Apothecary: It's quite simple. Unferth is what we call a hypochondriac; he isn't ill but he thinks he is. All you need to do is convince him you are a Doctor or a Nurse and give him a potion to make him 'better'.
  • Player: How do I make Unferth believe I am a Doctor or Nurse?
  • Apothecary: Easy, make sure you are dressed in white robes and take one of these hats to wear.
    • Nurse's hat.
    • Doctor's hat.
  • Apothecary: Then all you need to do is give him a vial of water and he'll take it thinking it's a cure potion.
  • Player: Haha! I always wanted to be a Doctor!
• Talk about something else. (Irrelevant to the quest)

Talking to Unferth

• If you talk to Unferth with the wrong equipment
  • Player: Good day Unferth, I am Doctor Player.
  • Unferth: No you're not! A Doctor wouldn't be holding that!
• If you talk to Unferth with the right equipment
  • Player: Good day Unferth, I am Doctor Player.
  • Unferth: I am glad to see you Doctor! I am not a well man!
  • Player: What seems to be the problem?
• If not wearing the Amulet of Catspeak
  • Cat: Meow, meow.
  • Player: Hmm... My cat is trying to say something but I'm not wearing the Amulet of Catspeak.
• If wearing it
  • Cat: There's something wrong with his head.
  • Unferth: My back hurts!
  • Player: No problem...
  • Unferth: I think my arm is broken!
  • Player: We can...
  • Unferth: Then there's my spleen!
  • Player: Your what...?
  • Unferth: My liver has packed in!
  • Player: All you need to do is take this potion.

You give Unferth the 'potion'.

• Unferth: Is that it?! I'm much more ill than that!
• Cat: We could offer to bonk him on the head with a big hammer?
• Player: Hehe!
• Unferth: Doctor Please take this seriously! I demand treatment!
• Player: Of course sir! The potion I have given you is the latest technology. It cures all known illnesses, and a few unknown ones. It's what we call in the trade a 'miracle cure'.
• Unferth: Wow! What can I say... I feel special!

Unferth drinks the 'potion'

• Player: Do you feel better?
• Unferth: I'm not sure...
• Cat: Argh!
• Unferth: Wait! I feel something! Yes! I can feel the potion working... The pain has gone... I can walk on my leg... Doctor! I'm cured!
• Player: That's... great! Phew!
• Cat: Indeed. Bob should be back by now; let's go find him.

Talking to Bob again

• Player: Hi Bob! How's it hang... going?
• Bob: Wonderful! Neite and I have been all over RuneScape! We 'borrowed' a magic carpet...

Cutscene opens

• At Sophanem
  • Bob: Where do we turn here?
  • Neite: North, I think.
  • Bob: You think?
  • Neite: Yes. North. Slow down!
  • Bob: For what?
  • Neite: That camel!
  • Bob: What camel?
• At the King Black Dragon's lair
  • Neite: Are you sure this is a good idea?
  • Bob: Yeah, the old King and I go way back. Hey, old King! How's things?
  • King Black Dragon: Same as always: adventurers trying to kill me.
  • Bob: There, there. Could be worse.
  • King Black Dragon: I guess... one moment...
  • R4ng3rNo0b889: Lolz die noob!
    The ranger gets killed
  • King Black Dragon: See what I mean?
  • Bob: Mate! You need a new line of work.
• At Sophanem again
  • Neite: I said left at the camel.
  • Bob: What camel?
  • Neite: You're too close to the pyramid!
  • Bob: Do you want to drive?
  • Neite: I think we're lost.
  • Bob: No, I know where I'm going.
  • Neite: Are we there yet?
  • Bob: No.
  • Neite: Are we there yet?
  • Bob: No!
• At a ship in the sea
  • Bob: I'm the King of RuneScape!

Cutscene closes

• Player: Phew!
  • Hi Bob, how's tricks?
  • Speak to me, Bob! Give me some wise words of advice!
• Love Cats: Advice you want eh? Well, I could just enlighten you with a snippet of my vast knowledge.
• Player: That would be fantastic! I heard you were very very wise indeed.
• Love Cats: Well, I think I will let you decide that.
• Player: OK, bamboozle me with your intelligence!
• Love Cats: Don't get distracted so easily! See, I'm distracting you right now!

Talking to Unferth

• Player: Hi Unferth!
• Unferth: Hello! Bob came home today! I'm so happy!
• Player: That's good news!
• Unferth: Fat lot of use you were! He came home on his own!
• Player: Er...
• Cat: This guy is unbelievable.
• Player: You're not wrong.
• Unferth: Of course I'm not wrong.
• Player: I'll be going now.
• Unferth: Before you go, I found the strangest thing. There was a package left under the bed, it's addressed to you.

Congratulations! Quest complete!