Letters to the Chaos Elemental

See also: Chaos Elemental

In response to letters sent by players (featured in the "Postbag from the Hedge"), the Chaos Elemental often replies in a way that hints at future updates, in a rather cryptic manner.

Letter 1

 * Go. It smells like quarter past. Cabbages make the best soup. No, broccoli! Killerwatt killerwatt where have you been? Duckling ugly an was once there. Chaos Soahc, Jas. Hello? 15 at the last count. Did it ask a question? Bizarre boron swell, coolcoder9t tasty, doctor cole cruchy, meaty goodness. Chompy make da bestest yums! No, it seeks the blade. Stop the shifter, torcher and penance! Burn down the rum! Arrr, that it be. Checkmate queen, the boys are in town. My arm's adventure seeks solace with the sorcerers’ garden. Wilderness? Rewind less? Weird lens? Tanath cur!! Tanath cur!!

The updates that have happened

 * Killerwatt killerwatt where have you been? (Slayer update with Killerwatts)
 * Duckling ugly an was once there. (Swan Song quest)
 * Did it ask a question?- Stronghold of Security, as the doors ask questions.
 * Chompy make da bestest yums! (Graphical update to Gu'tanoth)
 * No, it seeks the blade. (Probably refering to the Dragon 2h sword that it hordes or the new mini-quest "the shadow sword")
 * Stop the shifter, torcher and penance! (Refers to minigames, Pest Control and Barbarian Assault)
 * Burn down the rum! Arrr, that it be. (Trouble Brewing minigame)
 * Checkmate queen, the boys are in town. (Refers to the Fairytale quest series)
 * My arm's adventure seeks solace with the sorcerers’ garden. (My Arm's Big Adventure quest and Sorceress's Garden minigame - My Arm was a herb farmer, and in Sorceress's Garden, you can farm herbs)
 * Chaos Soahc, Jas. Hello? ( German version of RuneScape )
 * Wilderness? Rewind less? Weird lens? Tanath cur!! Tanath cur!!(Ditch update in wilderness and Watchtower quest)

Letter 2
''In my house, cup of tea? Angry bow gets boost, she is reborn, the chosen one! Bubbles to my new home, flaky scalp. Cheese pie, mmmm. Triangle? Pyramid! ; PK me mum! Lunar eclipse brings us closer to them. The museum will close in 10 minutes, please make your way to the nearest age. Helping hand please. Illusion long dead, is they? Ferrets will find them. Hidden in the tree they were. Blue egg rises. Shhhh. Vyre warning, take a bite. Helm must be rejoined when the Gypsy gets a makeover. Hum uncle us. Mamma Mia, that’s a big basket! Mallum 12, Witchaven 0. Adam my boy please dont cry!. For Shiver my quiver. Watching, forever watching the bones of the past. They will come for my bride! Bah bah barby have you any null? Stuff the chicken, stick the chompy. Comfy magnets. Yes mate yes mate 10 waves full. One for the ranger, one's never enough, and 2 for the little boy who collected all the stuff. Have you seen my arm?''

The updates that have happened

 * In my house, cup of tea? (Player-owned houses)
 * Angry bow gets boost, she is reborn, the chosen one! (Death to the Dorgeshuun quest, crossbow update)
 * Bubbles to my new home, flaky scalp. (Olaf's Quest, referring to the Brine sabre)
 * Triangle? Pyramid! ; PK me mum! (Prayers for magic, refers to PKing and the prayer.)
 * Lunar eclipse brings us closer to them. (Lunar Diplomacy quest)
 * The museum will close in 10 minutes, please make your way to the nearest age. (Third age treasure trail items or Varrock Museum Update)
 * Helping hand please. (Hand in the Sand quest)
 * Ferrets will find them. (Hunter addition)
 * Vyre warning, take a bite. (Darkness of Hallowvale quest)
 * Mallum 12, Witchaven 0. (Slug Menace quest)
 * For Shiver my quiver. (Crossbow update)
 * Yes mate yes mate 10 waves full. (New Barbarian Assault minigame)
 * Have you seen my arm? (My Arm's Big Adventure quest)
 * Comfy magnets. (Animal Magnetism quest)
 * Illusion long dead, is they? (Sounds like The Eyes of Glouphrie)
 * Helm must be rejoined when the Gypsy gets a makeover. (Varrock graphical update)
 * Mamma Mia, that’s a big basket! (Enlightened Journey quest)
 * Hum uncle us. Referring to Tower of Life quest, as there is a Homunculus in the quest.
 * Bah bah barby have you any null? ( Sheep graphical update.)
 * Hidden in the tree they were. Blue egg rises. Shhh. (reference to the use of eggs in summoning)

Unknown or unreleased updates

 * Cheese pie, mmmm. (Cooking updates; new pies?)
 * Bizarre boron swell- an anagram for "Zaros will be reborn"
 * Adam my boy please dont cry!. (Zamorak is upset about something)
 * Watching, forever watching the bones of the past. (Prayer updates?)(This may be to do with the 'Zombie' random event; which appears after burying bones; maybe it will appear more often?--Bone graphic update?)
 * They will come for my bride!(Perhaps a reference to the princess outfit?)
 * One for the ranger, one's never enough, and 2 for the little boy who collected all the stuff. (Maybe referring to crossbow update, or the Animal Magnetism quest, Dark bow firing twice?-dragon arrows as rangers wanted more powerful arrows?(infidelity2))

Letter 3
''Dress up big like a flappy bird, happy bird ''Hunter strong when the ferrets herd, heretic’s word ''Flappy high with twelve willow branches, brillo lunches ''Bandos down with hail of punches, pail of hunches

''Impy sheep new and shiny, sew and ninely ''Curator taught but the kids are whiny, wilds not kindly ''Izso easy to make troll king shiver, shoal thing river ''Pick it up with the undead quiver, quintet liver

''Sing the song for shantay claws, clumpy gores ''Seasons pass for animal lores, magical chores ''Penguin eyes are low and evil, crunchy weevil ''Brutal way for shark retrieval, rather medieval

''Trawl along the ancient bed, sucker’s head ''Dwarf and scorp are almost dead... Almost dead.

The updates that have happened

 * Dress up big like a flappy bird, happy bird (Eagles' Peak quest, or Chicken Costume)
 * Hunter strong when the ferrets herd, heretic’s word (Hunter skill and Eagle's Peak ferret update)
 * Flappy high with twelve willow branches, brillo lunches (Enlightened Journey quest)
 * Bandos down with hail of punches, pail of hunches (God Wars Dungeon)
 * Impy sheep new and shiny, sew and ninely (Graphics update to imps)
 * Izso easy to make troll king shiver, shoal thing river (The Fremennik Isles quest)
 * Pick it up with the undead quiver, quintet liver (Animal Magnetism quest)
 * Sing the song for shantay claws, clumpy gores (2006 Christmas event)
 * Penguin eyes are low and evil, crunchy weevil (Cold War quest)
 * Brutal way for shark retrieval, rather medieval (Hunter skill update, referring to the new Barbtail Harpoon.)(or the barbarian training that allows you to catch sharks with your hands)
 * Trawl along the ancient bed, sucker's head- Refers to the new Fishing Trawler update. (Sucker's head might refer to a possible Sea Slug sequel, though.)
 * Dwarf and scorp are almost dead... Almost dead. - Possibly the Scorpion graphics update.
 * Curator taught but the kids are whiny, wilds not kindly(Varrock Museum update)

Unknown or unreleased updates

 * Seasons pass for animal lores, magical chores (Hinting at Summoning, which was going to be called "Animal Lore", and everyone has waited many 'seasons' for)
 * Dwarf and scorp are almost dead... Almost dead. (Possibly an upcoming Dwarf/Scorpion graphics update. This is also a response to the letter written to him, which is a poem about dwarves and scorpions)(Maybe 2 new creatures being introduced?)

Letter 4
''Wait in the shadow realm: you are not of the blood nor sin. Up north the wind blows cold to Lumbridge and Ardougne, works like clockwork. Surok's gone to Chaos - lo, ladling Kirk: rumble in the library! Buy your tickets now. Way down deep where the frosts are clearing, way down deep where the dead are still fighting.

''Meanwhile, back in the caves, a blotched lord's inns eat exotic food and all that jazz. In the basement of the tower of life you'll find the homunculus; he's crossing a lobster with a jubbly! A spider with a sardine! A newt with a rooster! It's all underground, where there's a hole in my pocket. Pockets? The Chaos Elemental has no need for pockets!

The updates that have happened

 * Meanwhile, back in the caves, a blotched lord's inns eat exotic food and all that jazz. (Dorgesh-Kaan city opened)
 * Up north the wind blows cold to Lumbridge and Ardougne, works like clockwork (Cold War quest)
 * Surok's gone to Chaos - lo, ladling Kirk: rumble in the library! (What Lies Below quest - 'lo, ladling Kirk' is an anagram of 'kill King Roald', who was fought in the library; The Hunt for Surok)
 * Wait in the shadow realm: you are not of the blood nor sin. (Shadow Sword Mini-Quest)
 * In the basement of the tower of life you'll find the homunculus; he's crossing a lobster with a jubbly! ; A spider with a sardine!; A newt with a rooster! (Not the quest Tower of Life, but the minigame Creature Creation.)
 * Buy your tickets now.(Another Slice of H.A.M.. Train link unlocked after the quest.)
 * Way down deep where the dead are still fighting. Olaf's Quest- (the Skeleton fremenniks give the hint*)

* This bit can be debatable, as it could refer to The Lair of Tarn Razorlor, or possibly the God War's Dungeon.

Unknown or unreleased updates

 * Way down deep where the frosts are clearing. (Future "God Wars" dungeon update.)
 * It's all underground, where there's a hole in my pocket. (Possibly the new satchels gotten from the Tower of Life quest? Or it could be refering to underground pass.More likely to be refering to the underground part of the Grand exchange)

Letter 5
(Anagrams in Wise Old Tips at the end of Postbag From the Hedge Issue 17)

I am it. Hangar's at ninth egg on motion. A shingle's ounce ramp, cur! Hi, Jimmy's a nontechnical pomps. Lurk, thesis-stink! Oh, till goofier homonym. Guaranteed slimes sing. Ocarinas blast it: tell warranted variants. A camouflager's overworked net. Hotspot manatee, not thorns! Utmost hop; up, ghastlier salad net. Now seething benign, hesitant. Now degraded trash.

The updates that have happened

 * I am it. Hangar's at ninth egg on motion. (Easter Event) [Might be the redeceration of asgarnia?]
 * Lurk, thesis-stink! Oh, till goofier homonym. = Has to do with summoning, though no one got the correct text.
 * Hi, Jimmy's a nontechnicals pomp. = Ninja imp stole my Chinchompas!
 * Guaranteed slimes sing. = Legends must rise again.
 * Ocarina blasts it: tell warranted variants.= Has to do with the GodWars, though no one got the correct text.
 * A camouflager's overworked net. = Woeful Crandor Gets a Makeover.
 * Utmost hop; up, ghastlier salad net. = Glouphrie's path leads to mutants.

Unknown or Unreleased

 * I am it. Hangar's at ninth egg on motion.
 * A shingle's ounce ramp, cur! (Sounds kinda piratey, maybe have something to do with pirates?) [Necromancer - A shingle's oun'c'e ramp, cur!][Archipelago - a group of islands - also fits. Digsite trip to the island?]
 * Hotspot manatee, not thorns! (Possible Construction update? or Great Brain Robbery-- Crate hotspot)
 * Now seething benign, hesitant. Now degraded trash.(Possible Barrows update?)

Letter 6
In the Postbag of the month April 2007, Melzar the Mad responds in the language we got to expect from the Chaos Elemental. ''Bans engines injector, I so doddered a cat skulks. Own way bath. Alongside astrology and similar divinatory arts: Kepler's barycentre, doubled and moved to a second barycentre, like the inmates in an asylum, finds those that stalk the world the Tanakh told of (when kings were due to fall).

And in others, like but unlike, be of assistance. Progeny of Alcumus works within that ecliptic land and its other world. Cabbage, not a pet, is man's best friend.

Like a fiend in a cloud, With howling woe, After night I do crowd, And with night will go; I turn my back to the east, From whence comforts have increased; For light doth seize my brain With frantic pain.''

The updates that have happened

 * Bans engines injector (rule 12 enforcement)
 * And in others, like but unlike, be of assistance. Progeny of Alcumus works within that ecliptic land and its other world. (new lunar spells from sequel to lunar isle quest)
 * With howling woe, (Dog graphics update)
 * Cabbage, not a pet, is man's best friend. (Dogs as pets in Summoning)
 * From whence comforts have increased;(Room limit increased to 30)
 * I so doddered a cat skulks. Own way bath. (Cat Graphical Update)

Unknown or unreleased updates

 * Alongside astrology and similar divinatory arts: Kepler's barycentre, doubled and moved to a second barycentre, like the inmates in an asylum, finds those that stalk the world the Tanakh told of (when kings were due to fall). (New quest?) (Sequel to the Observatory quest involving repairing the bridge?)
 * Like a fiend in a cloud, (Possibly referring to the Chaos Elemental's own graphical update?)
 * After night I do crowd,
 * And with night will go; (Possibly a future update allowing night?)
 * I turn my back to the east, (Adding more land on the west side of the map, say, the Elven City?)
 * For light doth seize my brain (Late hint to Great Brain Robbery?--Highly doubtful, though.)
 * With frantic pain.

Letter 7
In the month of May, 2007, in the "Wise Old Tips" section, the Wise Old Man was given a group of anagrams made by the Chaos Elemental. Rather than tell them straight out, he decided to make them into a crossword puzzle!

Across

 * 1. A large combat (6) "Battle"
 * 6. A colour like red (7) "Crimson"
 * 8. One of those things you all spend time working on (5) "Skill
 * 9. A dastardly little chap in grey robes (9) "Glouphrie
 * 10. of the Red Axe (4) "Rise"
 * 12. Land of the White Knights (8) "Asgarnia"
 * 14. Melzar's homeland (7) "Crandor"

Down

 * 2. Myths, stories and fairy tales (7) "Legends"
 * 3. Explosive rodents (11) "Chinchompas"
 * 4. Guild for melee fighters (8) "Warriors"
 * 5. The beings that think they rule the world (3,4) "The Gods"
 * 7. The mage who wears the ying-yang amulet (8) "Makeover"
 * 11. Rock (5) "Stone"
 * 13. Mischievous little demons (4) "Imps

Updates that have happened
Crandors Makeover
 * Mischievous little demons (Implings)
 * Melzars Home (Crandor)
 * The mage who wears the ying-yang amulet "Makeover"
 * A large combat? or The beings that think they rule the world(god wars)

Letter 8
In the Postbag from the Hedge from November 29th 2007, the image of the Chaos Elemental's noticeboard is shown. The image consists of a corkboard with seven items on it. The top four items are: a lottery ticket from The Magical Lottery, a coupon or ad for Ogre wigs, a picture of a singing ot whistling caniformiatic whistle and a copy of the Varrock Herald ripped in half. The botton of the noticeboard has an incorrectly filled Sudoku puzzle with rune symbols in the place of numbers, a To Do list and a Post-it note. Five of the seven papers on the noticeboard contain bite marks.

The Magical Lottery

The numbers on the lottery card, 13,1,7,16,9,5, is code for magpie. The bottom serial numbers on the ticket, below the barcode, spells macaw, another type of summoning familiar.

Ogre Wigs

The ad or coupon indicates "5gp off" the wigs with a picture of said wig. It is copyrighted to Balnea, which was a hint at As a First Resort...

Whistle Picture

A picture of a whistle in the shape of a Caniformia-like animal with musical notes coming from its mouth. It is impossible to know which notes these since there is no key and there are four lines and not the proper five. The image is signed Pikkupstix with XX below the name. Pikkupstix is the name of a druid in Taverley, and accordingly to BTS January he'll have something to do with the "Wolf Whistle" quest. The whistle is shaped like a Wolf's head (Wolf Whistle)

The Varrock Herald

The paper which has the words ROCK RALD is ripped refers to the Varrock Herald. The story is written by Annette Fisher which is a homonym for 'a net fisher'. The sentences themselves appear to be nonsense but if ignoring spaces and punctuations, the words beaver, raven, hen, ibis, unicorn, locust and lobster reveal themselves. all of which are summoning familiars

Chaosudoku

The Chaosudoku game consists of the symbols of runes possibly including the symbol for the life rune which shall be used in Summoning however due to the crude nature of the images, it could simply be a mind rune.

The game actually contains errors if following the traditional rules of Sudoku since two symbols appear in the same grid. This is because the chaosudoku is being used for a codded message which each symbol representing a letter and each row representing a word (as hinted by the soul rune appearing over the A in CHAOSUDOKU). Decoded, this message says: "Mahdarrat gathers an army he shall slay many masters"

To Do list

The items on the list are anagrams which can be transformed into several different answers. For example, Spy Marinating can give us Pagan ministry, Gypsy Trainman, Prying Stamina, Army paintings and Praying Mantis. Do to the sheer number of possible anagrams and nebulous nature of these hints (for instance, the above anagrams for Spy Marinating could respectively hint at prayer, transportation, agility, Falador or a new monster), listing and speculating on these anagrams here would create too unwieldy and confusing a list.

"Add flower" is an anagram for Dreadfowl, the picture of which is next to the BTS article for December, 2007. "Invite Purl" is an anagram for Evil Turnip, the picture of which is next to the BTS article for January, 2008.

The Morse Code at the end of the To Do list forms the word Gecko.

Post-it note

A note that says: "Honey, A Gory, Drying Banshee! Chaos. E"

Other clues

There are six letters circled in red on the various items on the board. When rearranged. they form the name of Lucien. This clue is probably connected to the Chaosudoku clue.

One common theme of the board is animals; the magpie, the macaw, the gecko, the Wolf Whistle and the animals in the Varrock Herald. These refer to the skill, Summoning.

If one were to combine "Mahdarrat gathers an army he shall slay many masters" from the Chaosudoku section and Lucien from the other clues section, we can infer that Lucien will be gathering a powerful army (Mahdarrat is a misspelling of Mahjarrat and Lucien is a Mahjarrat) and possibly kill some powerful npc's (skill cape holders or slayer masters).

Letter 9
In the Postbag from the Hedge from January 31, 2008, an image of a Chaos rune with a word search in it is shown. There is also a list of people that don't exist.

List of People These are anagrams for future summoning familiars:


 * Kitty Traips - Spirit Kyatt
 * Greg Oftener - Forge Regent
 * Roger Vavida - Void Ravager
 * Gilian Bedooms - Obsidian Golem
 * Rob A. - Boar
 * Iris Tiarapulp - Spirit Larupia
 * Patti Mawns - Swamp Titan
 * Tori Fishved - Void Shifter
 * Stan Oblate - Talon Beast
 * Dr. O Reply - Pyre Lord

Chaos rune word search

The words are cut off near the end, or they are just random groups of words. They may also be backwards, vertical, and diagonal. Some parts of them have been found:


 * Obsidi
 * Sangwin
 * A slug to the head
 * My wreck for a (myreque 4)
 * Talon Beast
 * Tease
 * Spirit Kyatt
 * Spirit Larupia
 * Void Ravager