NPC Contact

NPC Contact is a helper spell that allows various non-player characters around RuneScape to be contacted directly without having to go to them personally. It is part of the Lunar Magicks spellbook. As with all Lunar Magicks spells, the quest Lunar Diplomacy must be completed to cast this spell.

Remember, you cannot use normal Magic or Ancient Magicks spells if you are using Lunar Magicks, except by use of the Spell Book Swap spell.

The NPCs


Random will contact any of 27 other NPCs around Runescape, and appears not to be "random" in that it cycles after 27 different NPCs. Most of these are amusing, though notably, Evil Dave mentions he's working on Summoning. For using Random you need to have completed Dream Mentor. These NPCs are:
 * Honest Jimmy controls the Trouble Brewing mini-game, and can tell you when the next game is likely to start.
 * Bert the Sandman can deliver buckets of sand to your bank as long as you have completed the Hand in the Sand.
 * Advisor Ghrim controls your kindgom on Miscellania. You can collect your resources but you cannot deposit or withdraw money.  You must have completed Throne of Miscellania.
 * Lanthus is at Castle Wars and can tell you when the next game starts.
 * Turael is one of the Slayer masters, and you can obtain tasks from him.
 * Mazchna is one of the Slayer masters, and you can obtain tasks from him.
 * Chaeldar is one of the Slayer masters, and you can obtain tasks from her.
 * Duradel is one of the Slayer masters, and you can obtain tasks from him.
 * Sumona is one of the Slayer masters, and you can obtain tasks from her. Players must have completed Smoking Kills.
 * Vannaka is one of the Slayer masters, and you can obtain tasks from him.
 * Murphy controls the Trawler mini-game, and can tell you if anyone's playing.
 * Cyrisus features in the Dream Mentor quest, and will tell you about his adventures.
 * Larry can be contacted after you ask him for Penguin Hide and Seek, a part of Distractions and Diversions.
 * Lumbridge Guide
 * Wise Old Man
 * My Arm
 * Hans
 * Evil Dave
 * Clay Golem
 * General Wartface
 * Drunken Dwarf
 * Al Kharid Camel
 * Sandwich Lady
 * 1337mage43
 * Osman
 * Helpline Assistant
 * Father Urhney
 * Romeo
 * Blurberry
 * Gypsy Aris
 * Ali the Sandsweeper
 * Man
 * Party Pete
 * Bob
 * Captain Cain
 * Homunculus
 * KGP Agent (is contacted twice during the rotation, giving two different conversations)
 * Lumbridge Cow
 * Lumbridge Sheep

Random NPC Dialogues

 * Player: Hello!
 * Lumbridge Guide: What, who's that?
 * Hehe... ahem...
 * This is the voice of your conscience! You've been a very naughty boy haven't you?
 * What? No I haven't!
 * You know what I'm talking about! Don't lie!
 * Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I'll never do it again!
 * If you do it again, you'll be in deep trouble.


 * Hello
 * Ow!
 * Wise Old Man: Keep your foreign magicks out of my head!


 * Hi there.
 * My Arm: Is dat you, ? My Arm can hear you but you not here.
 * I'm using magic to talk to you. How's the goutweed?
 * Sorry,, but My Arm not know magic, so My Arm no can reply.


 * Hiya.
 * Hans of Lumbridge: Oooh! Who are you?
 * I'm a brave knight! I am coming to kill anyone in the vicinity of Lumbridge Castle!
 * Aaaaargh! Run away, run away!
 * Hehe. Fool!


 * Hallo!
 * Evil Dave: Whoa! A voice in my head! What do you want?
 * I am your evil master!
 * You're using dark magic to contact me! That is SO evil! What is thy bidding.O Master?
 * Build me an army worthy of Zamorak!
 * Yes, O master! As soon as I get this summoning thing to work, my army of evil UNDEAD CHAOS ZOMBIE DEMON ASSISINS OF DARKNESS will overrun the world! *Mwuhahahahaaa!


 * Hello!
 * Clay Golem: Error! Perception mismatch (auditory/visual).
 * Don't worry, Golem! It's !
 * I am sorry. I can hear you but not see you. I will have to examine my eyes.
 * No, you can't see me because I'm not there. I'm contacting you by magic!
 * If you are not here then I cannot be hearing you. I will have to examine by ears.
 * Don't worry about it, Golem.


 * Hello!
 * General Wartface: What you want Bentnoze?
 * Then who did say something? Who that?
 * It's ! I'm talking to you by magic!
 * Hello !
 * Bentnoze, she/he is here! I hear her in head!
 * Me not crazy, Bentnose! She/He talk to me by magic!
 * You shut up Bentnoze! You stupid! You just jealous talk to me not you!
 * Shut up Bentnoze! You stupid!
 * SHUT UP!
 * You shut up Bentnoze! You stupid! You just jealous talk to me not you!
 * Shut up Bentnoze! You stupid!
 * SHUT UP!
 * Shut up Bentnoze! You stupid!
 * SHUT UP!
 * SHUT UP!


 * Howdy.
 * Drunken Dwarf: Waaahaaay! It's ! *hic* Maate!
 * How's things?
 * I tink oiv drunk a bit toooo much.
 * So, same as always.
 * Wont a kebab?
 * Uh, no, I'm good thanks.
 * Well, oym goona pass owt now. Have one on me!
 * Oh, okay.
 * Erm, bye.
 * Erm, bye.


 * Hi there!
 * Al Kharid Camel: Why, helloooo!
 * A camel?
 * Well this is grand darling. How nice it is to make your acquaintance!
 * Thank you. Nice to meet you too.
 * Wait a minute. How am I talking to you without a Camulet?
 * My dear, I'm a camel, how should I know?
 * Hmmm. I suppose this spell must tap directly into your mind. So, there's no need for language to get in the way.
 * I think I am somewhat confused.
 * May one ask how you contacted me?
 * I'm just using one of the Lunar spells.
 * Oh my, oh my. These youngsters today and their new-fangled gadgets!


 * Hello?
 * Sandwich Lady: What do ya want for tea? And it better not be a baguette!
 * Don't ignore me, !
 * Why wont't people talk to me?
 * I'll beat you up!
 * Uhh, urr, a sandwich please?
 * Okay then, my dear! Toodle-oo!
 * I'll beat you up!
 * Uhh, urr, a sandwich please?
 * Okay then, my dear! Toodle-oo!
 * Okay then, my dear! Toodle-oo!


 * Hello?
 * 1337mage43: Hello?
 * Hey, I started the conversation!
 * No you didn't. Get out of my spell!
 * No! Get out of my spell!
 * Cry-baby.
 * What! I'm no cry-baby, you cry-baby!
 * I'm reporting you!
 * Oh, how scary!
 * Idiot.


 * Hello?
 * Osman: Reveal yourself!
 * Ha, call yourself a spymaster! You can't see me!
 * Ahh, I'm hallucinating! Must cut back on sq'irks!


 * Hello?
 * Helpline Assistant: You have reached the Lunar Communication Helpline. I'm sorry we can't answer your telekinetic question right now. Our opening times are carefully organised to coincide with you being busy. If you are having an emergency. you have our most profound apologies. Have a nice day. Good bye.


 * Hello?
 * Father Urhney: At last! The voice of Saradomin! My years of meditation have paid off!
 * Um...
 * O mighty Saradomin! What is your message to me?
 * Stop sitting around in a house in a swamp and go and do something useful!
 * Oh, thank you Saradomin! I will meditate on what this message means!


 * Hello?
 * Romeo: Oh, hello. You sound lovely.
 * Sorry?
 * You sound lovely. You have a beautiful...twang to you voice.
 * Twang? It's Romeo, isn't it?
 * May I compare thee to some pineapple chucks?
 * No, Romeo. Goodbye.


 * Hello?
 * Bluberry: Blurberry here! Can I help?
 * He He. Yes you can. I'm looking for a Gnome. Gnome Mates.
 * Okay, I'll ask. Everybody shush! Is there a Gnome Mates here? Did anyone come in with Gnome Mates?
 * You hear laughter in the background.
 * Ooooh, who is this? I'll get you!
 * Hahaha.


 * Hello.
 * Gypsy Aris: Because I can tell the future.
 * Um?
 * That is the answer to your next question.
 * But how did you know what I would ask?
 * Because I can tell the future.
 * Ah, that's very clever.
 * Thanks. Oh and be careful in the Wilderness. Tonight is not your night.
 * Cheers!


 * Hello there! Who is this?
 * Ali: Ali.
 * Any particular Ali?
 * Only the best there is! I'm Ali the Sandsweeper.
 * You sweep sand?
 * Certainly do! I'm the best darn sandsweeper this side of the Lum.
 * There's more of you?
 * We have a union, mate! There's always sand to sweep.
 * Indeed. Um, I have to go.


 * Hello.
 * Man: Excuse me!
 * Oh sorry, what did I do?
 * Can't you see I'm on the toilet?
 * Wait a minute... a toilet?
 * Yeah. A toilet.
 * Riiiight. Oh, man, you didn't wipe your hands?
 * Get over it.


 * Hello?
 * Party Pete: Yo! Party, party, party!
 * Um, Party Pete?
 * Yeah! Party's the name, and partying is the game! Actually it's a full-time profession. You can't stop the party.
 * Party Pete. Do you ever want to just relax?
 * Relax, don't do it! Yeah! Party mania! Yeah!
 * Bye, Party.
 * You may leave the party, but the party nevers leaves you! Party!


 * Hello?
 * Bob: Hello.
 * Ah, Bob! I've been meaning to ask you some questions
 * Okay, but be quick.
 * Well, where did you come from? Why do you wander around Runescape? I've heard losts of rumours about your past!
 * It's simple really...
 * *cough* *cough*.
 * Are you okay?
 * *cough* I'm *cough* just...
 * Bob?
 * Bob! Don't die! Noooooo!
 * Sorry, I had a hairball.
 * Euw! That's nasty.
 * Hey, it's normal. I'm off now!
 * Bob?
 * Oh no, Bob, please don't go.
 * Good bye.
 * Good bye.


 * Who's that?
 * Captain Cain: What? Such insolence! How dare you speak like that, you poor excuse for goblin-dribble!
 * What?
 * Drop and give me twenty!
 * Okay, okay. I'm doing them now.
 * Liar!
 * Wait a minute, I don't have to put up with this. You do twenty!
 * Why I oughtta!
 * Erm, yeah. Bye!
 * Erm, yeah. Bye!


 * Hello?
 * Homunculus: It's . How are you?
 * Fine, thanks. How about you?
 * Alchemists return the other day. Me turn them into animals.
 * No! Really?
 * Yeah, me made a uniman and a chickalchemist!
 * Nice work!


 * Anyone there?
 * KGP Agent: INTRUDER! Red alert! Batten down the hatches! DIVE, DIVE, DIVE!
 * Err, maybe I'll call back later.


 * Hello.
 * KGP Agent: The fish cannot ride the gravy train.
 * Sorry?
 * The cyclops cannot see his inner walrus?
 * Is this code?
 * Waddle into a sunset of flaking mackerel?
 * I'm going now.
 * The sardine is leaving the tin?


 * Hello?
 * Lumbridge Cow: Moooooo.
 * Hey, I know you can talk!
 * Moooo.
 * Stop ignoring me!
 * Look, mate. Leave me alone!
 * You talked! You talked!
 * Moooo.
 * I think I'll have some beef tonight.


 * Hello?
 * Lumbridge Sheep: Baaaa.
 * Huh? Okay.
 * Baa, baaa. BAA!
 * Baaa?