RuneScape talk:Wiki Post/Fan fiction/Conscription

I'm not sure if this is the place for feedback, but I thought the story was very abstract and general. Maybe I prefer books that show me, instead of tell me.

You wrote, "And we set to it. Within the day, we were ready for the assault that was coming. And it did come, in the end. Brutally."

It leaves a lot to be imagined. This is a good brain storm, but good stories need to be shown. Something like "The sounds of thousands of men charging the barren dirt field shook the gravel beneath our feet. My heart trebled with fear as I raised my rusty claymore, preparing as the enemy emerged into view. Adrenaline pulsed between the veins in my arms. Arrows flew by as I ran toward a knight on horseback. 'Thump, thump, thump.'" would be much better. (Original writer.) Prgmbeta 13:45, July 25, 2010 (UTC)