Forgettable Tale...

Walkthrough
To start this quest, talk to Commander Veldaban of the Black Guard on the west side of Keldagrim.

After watching a Keldagrim cutscene (live players and NPCs are visible), you'll go to the Drunken Dwarf's house (he's related to the random event dwarf). He will ask you for some of the good stuff. Buy him a beer from one of the two local pubs. He will want some of the really good stuff: Kelda Stout.

Getting the Information
You need to get four Kelda seeds to grow the hops to brew it.

Seed 1
Meet the Drunken Dwarf in the north east of Keldagrim, he is in the house north east of the kebab shop, and north west of the pickaxe shop. The Drunken Dwarf should give it to you after you give him a regular beer and choose the right conversation.

Seed 2
Outside the Laughing Miner pub, you should see a Rowdy Dwarf (Just south of the Drunken Dwarf). He will ask you for a random item.

NOTE: For some items like the bucket of "camel poo" you need a Camulet which is a quest reward from the quest Enakhra's Lamet. If you haven't done this quest you just have to log out and log in again (or wait a few minutes).

When you talk to the Rowdy Dwarf after relogging or waiting you can select the option that you don't know where to get the item and he'll ask you to get an other item.

Random items include:
 * An Amulet mould - Al-Kharid Crafting Store, south of the Duelling Arena.
 * An acne potion - Varrock apothecary. Ask him for a free potion.
 * An Anchovy pizza - Bought from other players, or made with cooking.
 * Ashes - Burn any log and collect the ashes.
 * A banana - Found in Karamja Plantation, use a glory teleport. Or use the bones to banana spell
 * Bat bones - Found in various locations. Ex: south of Seers' Village.
 * Broken glass - Found north of Laughing miner pub where you talk to Drunken Dwarf
 * A burnt chicken - Either fail at cooking a chicken, or use a cooked chicken on a range or fire.
 * A cabbage - Found north-west of Draynor Village. If you have Explorer's ring 3 you can teleport to the cabbage patch.
 * An eye patch - Any crewmember. (Docks where you charter ships).
 * A fake beard - Bought from Ali Morrisane, north of the Palace in Al-Kharid.
 * A flier - drop from barbarian or imp or a random gift from talking to man (level 2)
 * A pink skirt - Bought from Varrock Clothes shop at the cost of 20gp. (Thessalia)
 * A potato - Can be picked north of Cow Field near Lumbridge. Or even faster with an Ardougne teleport and then walking north following the road to the first wall gate (by the guards) to the north. Walk a little more to the north and you sould see the potato field.
 * A red cape - Can be purchased from Varrock clothes shop. (Thessalia)
 * Some studded chaps - Made with the Crafting skill or bought from other players.
 * A toy horsey - Bought from Diango in Draynor Market.
 * Vampire dust - Vampires are found in the Haunted Woods, east of Canifis.
 * A Spinning plate - Bought from Diango in Draynor Market
 * A bucket of "camel poo" - Use a Camulet and a bucket and ask a camel for its dung in Al-Kharid.
 * A King worm - Obtained in the north part of Tree Gnome Stronghold.
 * Swamp Tar - Obtained in Lumbridge Swamp or Morytania, the latter is not recommended.
 * A White apron - Port Sarim Fishing shop, on the north wall.
 * A steel dart - Player-made.

Seed 3
Go to the west side and talk to Gauss. He is in the pub south of the bank. He will ask you to do a toast with him. Buy a beer and talk to him again to get the seed. If you watch your inventory you can quit the conversation after he gives you the seed, but before you drink the beer. However you will need an empty beer glass later, so bottoms up!

If you buy a dwarven stout you won't drink it during the animation and you can use it in the next step.

Seed 4
Go to the carts on the south-east side of town, take a cart to White Wolf Mountain. In the pub in the underground shortcut talk to Khorvak, a dwarven engineer. Another option of getting there is using the Warrior's Guild teleport on a Combat Bracelet Take a dwarven stout off the table. Give it to Khorvak to get the seed - or just talk him out of the seed.

Growing the Hops
Once you have all four seeds, go to the hops farming plot on the west side of Keldagrim (To the East of the bank). Ask the gardener for permission to plant kelda hops there, then go south and take the rake. Weed the garden, plant the hops, and wait 20 minutes.

NOTE: The hops will grow even while logged out. "The soil in this patch is very rich - it doesn't need compost." It doesn't need watering either. Also, you can't pay the local gardener to tend this patch.

If you need something to pass the time, you can talk to the gardener to get a letter. Take it to the gardener at the allotment south of Falador (you can use the cabbage port from the Explorer's ring from lumbridge achievements then go north), then go back to Keldagrim to get two herb (marrentill) seeds. When you're done, pick the Kelda hops.

Making the Kelda Brew
Go upstairs in the bar on the east side of Keldagrim (The Laughing Miner). Use two buckets of water on the vat, then add two barley malt, and then the hops. Pick up the empty pot in the corner of the room and ask Blandebir to fill it up with ale yeast for 25gp. Use this on the vat, then wait 5–10 minutes (you don't have to be online, but you'll get a notification when the ale is ready saying: "Perhaps I should have a look and see if my Kelda brew has brewed..."). The colour of the liquid in the vat will change from semitransparent/dark into white/opaque with ring when it is close to being done. Turn the valve and use a beer glass on the barrel. Go back to the Drunken Dwarf and use the option that says "I need to know about the Red Axe" to give him the Kelda Beer and learn about the boarded up tunnel that leads to the Red Axe Base and to hear his long tale about the Abyss and Pink Dragons.

Investigating Red Axe Base
Talk to the Conductor in the south-east end of town near the middle-south cart leading into a boarded up tunnel and select the option to ask him about the closed off tunnel. Then talk to the Director of the Consortium mining company that you joined during the Giant Dwarf quest. He/she will have the boards removed. (Remember, all the directors are located upstairs of the large building in the middle of Keldagrim.) Ride the cart that goes into the new tunnel. Note that to ride the cart your hands must be empty and you may not have a familiar out.

To go to the next room, you first have to complete a cart related puzzle. To complete the puzzle, you must collect stones and set them in the dwarven machinery such that you can travel to either the blue marks or the red cross. This controls the path the cart will take. Your goal is to set up a connection between the red square all the way on the left and the blue boxes that are to the right. The red X is your final destination to take you to the next room.

To place/rotate a stone in a junction click once for green, twice for yellow, third time to remove the stone - assuming you have both colours available.

NOTE: if you log out at anytime while in the cave you will be transported out of the cave when you log in, although you will be transported to where you left off when you enter the cave.

Room 1
Search the box to get two square stones. Then operate the controls and place the yellow stone on the farthest spot to the left and the green stone one spot below that. Note: you may need to rotate the blocks in the controls to make the track connect properly.



Then take the cart, search the box (you should now have 2 green & 1 yellow Square stones), and take the cart back to the control box.

Put a green stone on the far left spot, another green one spot above that, and a yellow stone at the top. Note: you may need to rotate the blocks in the controls to make the track connect properly.

There is 2 ways to make this one:

1. Green, yellow, green

2. Green, green, yellow.



Ride the cart again, search the box (you should now have 2 green & 2 yellow Square stones), and return.

Note: you may need to rotate the blocks in the controls to make the track connect properly.



Ride the cart to reach the second room.

Room 2
You will be able to eavesdrop on a conversation between the Red Axe Director, Ogre Shaman, and a henchman. You will learn that the company bribed the boatman into crashing into the statue so that they could blame it on a human in the Giant Dwarf quest. Crawl through the hole at the opposite end of the room from where you entered.

Room 3
You'll be in another mine cart room, so search the box and put the green stone on the far left, a yellow one above it, and another yellow one to the right.



Ride the cart, search the box, and ride back.

Put a yellow stone at the far left, another yellow one spot below that, a green one below that, and another green to the right.



Ride the cart, search the box, and ride back.

Put a green stone on the far left, another green one spot above that, a yellow one spot above that, a green to the right and below, and a yellow to the right.



Ride the cart to the fourth room.

Room 4
Search and read everything to learn more about the Red Axe company and their plot. Then enter the next cave.

Search the 3 crates with white papers on top - one contains uninteresting papers, and two contain important letters to read. In the bookshelf you find - Red Axe Employee Records. After finding 1 book and the three papers you can move on without wasting anymore time searching the bookshelves.

Room 5
You'll be in the final minecart room, so search the box and operate the controls again.

Put a green stone on the far left, a green stone one above that, a yellow stone one above that, and a yellow one to the right.



Ride, search, and ride back.

Put a yellow stone on the far left, another yellow one below that, another yellow one below that, a green to the right, a green above that, and another green above that.



Ride, search, and ride back.

Then put a green stone on the far left, another green one above that, a yellow one above that, a green to the right of that, a yellow above, a green below, a yellow above, then a yellow below.



Ride to the sixth and final room.

Room 6
This is the final room. The Red Axe director will show off his army of Chaos Dwarves, but before you can report to Commander Veldaban of the Black Guard, Grunsh the Ogre shaman will find you eavesdropping and cast a spell that eliminates all your memories about what happened in the cave.

The Ending
Go back to Commander Veldaban. You won't remember any of what had happened, but your instincts will tell you to go to the Laughing Miner pub and have a beer and kebab. Buy a kebab from Kjut, the store on the east side (immediately south-west of the Drunken Dwarf's home) and a beer from the pub to the south. Once you're inside, drink the beer and eat the kebab to begin a humorous cutscene, you must drink the beer and eat the kebab at the same time. Spies from the Red Axe will mention that "no one will remember the forgettable tale of a drunken fool now!."

Reward



 * 2 Quest Points.
 * 5,000 Experience
 * 5,000 Experience
 * 2 Mature dwarven stout
 * 2 Marrentill seeds, if you delivered Rind's letter.

Music
Music tracks unlocked:


 * Forgettable Melody
 * Right On Track

Trivia

 * During the Drunken Dwarf's first mention of the Kelda stout, he says it is "Ash blue ash the river! Ash strong ash ole Dondakan's rock. Ash foul tasting ash ash." "Dondakan's Rock" is the rock in the Between a Rock... quest. Also, "ash foul tasting ash ash" is a joke slipped in by Jagex, they truly mean "As foul tasting as ash".
 * If you look at your quest journal after your memory was erased and the boards were broken, it replaces all of the text with a few rather humorous lines - 'Hi hi hi ha ha ha ha. Lalalalalalalalalala. Rock hat nice butterfly bad wolf sing song down the river. I saw... I saw... I saw kebabs? Wearing silly hats? Yes! AHAHAHAHA, I've gone totally mad! AHAHAHAHA!' At the end of the quest, the last part of the quest journal says 'I had a bit too much to drink in the Laughing Miner and I think I made a bit of a fool of myself. I think something terrible has happened, I've been put under a spell of some sort, but no one will believe me. They think my stories are just some forgettable tales of a drunken human.' The last sentence is a reference to the quest's name. The sentences prior to the last may be a reference to a part in Stephen King's short story '1408'.
 * When eavesdropping on the Red Axe, he says, "And we would of gotten away with it if it wasn't for that pesky human," which is a play off of the Scooby Doo TV Series.
 * When talking to the Rowdy Dwarf, he'll say at some time, "Mmhh, beer.", which is a line from the popular animated TV series, The Simpsons.
 * When you finish the quest, if you happen to meet the drunken dwarf that travels the land, he'll say he remembers your kebab stories.
 * During the cutscene with the chaos dwarves, there is a reference to Arposandra, the Gnomish city which is the cause of the Poison Waste.
 * When the drunken dwarf recounts the 'unforgettable' tale, he says something about pink dragons, which may be a reference to the film Dumbo in which characters see pink elephants after they had gotten drunk.
 * Forgettable Tale of a Drunken Dwarf is the longest quest title in RuneScape.
 * During the Drunken Dwarf's speech, he mentioned another small mining company called The Magenta Accordion.
 * If you try to talk with Commander Veldaban before ending, you'll say something like you have information, but you will tell it later.
 * Kelda Seeds only being able to be grown underground is an indirect reference to drugs that are grown within a person's own home, partially due to how the Barman reacts to how you mention Kelda Stout.
 * In the quest journal, the words "Bad wolf" are possibly a reference to the British television series, Doctor Who.
 * At the end when your character is telling their drunken stories, if you click on the dwarf Ulifed you will have received back the kebab and beer you used to start the cut scene. But it still will have healed your health.
 * Upon the completion of this quest, one's Adventurer's Log will read: "I investigated a Red Axe threat to Keldagrim...and I don't remember what happened next. I keep thinking about beer and kebabs."
 * Before the ogre graphical update, Grunsh's chathead glitches and stretches around when he says his lines just before clearing the player's memory.
 * Before the discovery of Colonel Grimsson's name, he is just called "Red Axe Henchman".
 * When eavesdropping on the red axe, the is a glitch if you leave the room, while still in crawl mode, newer icons, such as achievement diaries will not reappear on the interface. This can be solved by going back in the room, and going on to the next, or by logging out.