Burntmeat

Burntmeat is a troll featured in the quests Eadgar's Ruse and My Arm's Big Adventure. He the chief chef of the Troll Stronghold, and can be found in the Troll Stronghold kitchen. He is sometimes criticised by other trolls for only being able to cook burnt meat.

Most trolls are named after the first thing they eat, but Burntmeat was named after the first thing he tried to cook. Burntmeat enjoys cooking as well as eating humans and goutweed. Burntmeat is the largest troll cook inside the stronghold, bigger trolls are generally higher in the troll hierarchy so this may be another reason why he is the chief troll cook. Burntmeat is always found inside the Troll kitchen where he eagerly cooks for the rest of the Trolls.

The player must retrieve a human for Burntmeat to cook in a stew during Eadgar's Ruse, the player tricks Burntmeat by bring a scarecrow filled with various items. Burntmeat then tells the player the location of the Goutweed in the Troll Stronghold.

Burntmeat often uses Goutweed as an ingredient in his stews, he discovers during My Arm's big Adventure that it can still be grown, as trolls previously thought they had picked it all, so they guard it ferociously in their store room. When Burntmeat was preparing to cook a captured Adventurer he learned that Goutweed was still obtainable, and therefore asks the player for assistance obtaining it.

Burntmeat is witnessed interrogating and preparing to cook an Adventurer in the first cut-scene of My Arm's Big Adventure. The naked Adventurer is held captive in Burntmeat's cooking pot his valuable items are scattered on the floor infront of him. The Adventurer is being prepared to be turned into a "Troll Stew" and becomes one as the cutscene ends, however unfortunately for Burntmeat he forgot to wash the captive Adventurers bare feet, and as a result Burntmeat got food poisoning after dining on the late Adventurer. Even more unfortunately for the player the Adventurers valuable items have been thrown away by Burntmeat.

The players must help Burntmeat in My Arm's Big Adventure by helping Burntmeat's assistant My Arm learn how to farm Goutweed.

A condition of the players agreement to help Burntmeat regrow Goutweed, was that Burntmeat would never be allowed to cook another human again, Burntmeat agrees to these terms telling the player that goats taste just as good as humans if enough goutweed is added to the stew. However Burntmeat deceives the player, as he reveals when the Trolls have learnt how to plant goutweed, that rather than cooking humans, he will prepare them raw with Goutweed as flavouring. Even this is questionable though as Burntmeat tells the reader of the Postbag from the hedge, that if they want some more of his Burnt meat, he would be happy to supply them with it, he just needs the troll prison to be restocked first. The player is certainly not amused when they learn this.

Burntmeat has answered letters in at least two editions of Postbag from the Hedge. These are Postbag 13 and Postbag 25

In the 13th edition of Postbag from the Hedge, Burntmeat tells the reader that now the trolls can grow goutweed they have been struggling to keep up with demand, therefore Burntmeat was hoping that Adventurers may come along carrying it so they could eat them with their goutweed.

Trivia

 * Burntmeat admits trying to store humans in crates during My Arm's Big Adventure but this caused them to die and start rotting so Burntmeat had to use the prison to keep the meat "fresh".
 * If the player speaks to him before starting Eadgar's Ruse, Burntmeat will plan on cooking the player, who responds by saying they are too tough to be tender and tasty.
 * He is known for giving out 'joke' rewards of burnt meat during Eadgar's Ruse and My Arm's Big Adventure. He gives the player one piece of it during Eadgar's Ruse, and at the end of My Arm's Big Adventure, it is much more amusing: he fills the player's inventory with burnt meat while exclaiming "Lot's of burnt meat!" Any burnt meat that cannot fit into the inventory is dropped on the ground.
 * Burntmeat may not actually be a very good cook at all. Despite knowing that players state that cabbage tastes terrible he used it as a seasoning when boiling the Adventurer into a stew. He also forgot to thoroughly wash the Adventurer including his feet which led to his sweat contaminating the cooked stew and giving himself a stomach ache.
 * "Burntmeat" was the name of the item received in Runescape Classic if you fail to cook a piece of meat. It has since been replaced with "Burnt meat"
 * As revealed by My Arm during King of the Dwarves, Burntmeat once made soup out of pretty flowers, after the eating of which he got food poisoning. Similarly in My Arm's Big Adventure he forgot to wash the captive Adventurers feet leading to Burntmeat getting food poisoning after eating him, this suggests that Burntmeat is rather poor at preparing food properly.