Grimy marrentill
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Starting the Caper

Darren: Ah, player! Can I borrow you for a moment? I've got some work in dire need of a hero and you're the best agent I have to take it on! This is it, player! This is the big one!

Player: What's afoot? Oh, no, now you've got me doing it.

Darren: Our chance to gain the recognition we deserve and place the Thieve's Guild alongside the other fine institutions of Gilienor, no less!

Player: Do tell.

Darren: I have just found out that the Guild Registry has opened again. Since the old office closed down, there have simply been no chance to register new guilds, not now we have the chance and the ability to become official!

Player: What exactly do we gain from that?

Darren: Legitimacy, my dear boy/girl; the chance to stand tall and proud in the light of day!

Player: While we slink quietly though the shadows?

Darren: Got it in one! There's just one problem.

Player: Does it involve money and dirty deeds, by any chance?

Darren: Funny you should say that. Their fees are exorbitant, I'm afraid, and we've spent all our capital on building. The solution is elegant, though: we need someone highly skilled to break into their vault, steal their funds, and then pay our registration fees with their own money.

Player: Will you be the one doing this, then?

Darren: Ha, ha, ha … no. I was hoping you'd be up for doing it.

Player: How surprising.

- Let me get back to you.

Darren: We'll be here. (ends dialogue)

- I'm in.

Darren: Good show!

Player: Can you explain the plan to me, please?

Darren: Of a certainty! It is devious in its simplicity. First you will need the right equipment: a blackjack and a lockpick. You will need to disguise yourself before you enter, so that you cannot be identified when you return undisguised. Once disguised, you must get into the vault of the Guild Registry, gain access to the coffers, steal the contents, and make your escape. Then simply return with the money and without the disguise to pay our dues.

Player: Where can I get the disguise I need?

Darren: Robin knows a little trick with a potion. Talk to him about getting it set up for you.

If you ended dialogue

Player: I'm back.

Darren: Ah, player,. Ready to break into the Guild Registry for us and pay our registration fees with their own funds?

(options repeat from above)

If returning without completing the caper

Darren: This is our time, my friend! What is the status of your mission to secure us the, er, status we so richly deserve?

Player: I'd like to talk to you about the caper I'm doing for you.

- Can you explain the plan to me? (repeats above)

- Do you have any advice?

Darren: It should be straightforward enough for someone of your ability. Wear your disguise, get into the vault, clean it out, pay them with their own money.

Player: I was hoping for some more practical advice than that.

Darren: Oh, Robin's your man if you want practical.

- Where can I get the disguise I need? (repeats above)

Player: Hello there.

Robin: Ah, our rising star. Now what can I do for you?

Player: About this caper … The Guildmaster says you have a way I can rob the Guild Registry and return without being recognised.

Robin: I do, yes, but it'll take some skill with herbs to pull off.

Player: I've dabble a little. What's the plan?

Robin: We're going to make their eyes water so hard that they can't see you properly for the tears. You'll need a vial of water, an irit herb and a bowl of chopped onion to make a little portable vial of stench.

Player: That sounds useful. Then when I go back wit the goods, I leave the vial behind, and they won't be able to identify me as the thief?

Robin: Exactly. I'll need to pull off a little magic trick I know to give the vial its affinity first. Otherwise you'll tear up whenever you open it too, and that won't be any good.

Player: I'll be back with the vial then.

Mixing the potion

You open the vial, pour in the chopped onion, and hastily cap it again.

Player: Hello there. Here you go, Robin; can you set this up for me?

Robin takes the vial and mumbles over it briefly.

Robin: There: you should find it entirely harmless now … unless you're a member of the Guild Registry.

Player: How'd you come to learn a spell like that?

Robin: I have a shady past. Now ,what can I do for you?

Player: About this caper … Do you have any more advice for me, Robin?

Robin: Not as such, no. I've not been in the Guild Registry. I'm sure they'll have the vault entrance locked and guarded, with some sort of secondary door with as good a lock as they can find, and the coffer trapped. Be prepared, and all that; see what you can use to get attention away from yourself.

Player: Thanks.

At the Registry

Without Vial

Player: (at door) I don't want to do this without some way to prevent them from recognising me.

With Vial

Player: (at door) Let's see if this thing works, then.

Guard: Welcome to the Guild Registry, sir and/or madam.

Player: Everything in order here, friend?

Guard: What's that terrible stench?

Player: Erm … I don't know, but I smell it too!

Guard: It's vile!

Player: You got that right ...

The registrar blinks at you though streaming eyes.

Registrar: What can I do for you?


- I'm here from the Gielinor Security Agency.

Player: I'm here from the Gielinor Security Agency. I need to ask you some questions about your setup.

Registrar: Our setup is highly secure. Even if a thief did get past mself and the guard, which they can't, they'd have no chance of picking the highly complex lock on the door or disarming the cunning trap on the coffer.

Player: What do you mean, get past you?

Registrar: The trapdoor to the vault is controlled by a locked lever. I'm guarding the lever and my colleague holds the key.

Player: You have made provision for mages, I trust?

Registrar: Yes, our vault is fitted with standard teleport suppression glyphs.

- That all seems to be in order, thank you. (ends)
- And there are no other exits?
Registrar: The only other egress is a small vent in the wall, but it's not a risk.
Player: Oh?
Registrar: Only an adventurer would have the agility to squeeze through there, and none of them would do something so underhanded as to rob an official government agency.
Player: That all seems to be in order, thank you.

- What's that clicking sound?

Registrar: The latest in modern convenience! It's a clock similar to the one in the tower to the southwest, but far smaller.

Player: How does it work?

Registrar: Oh, I'm not tinker. I just know I wind it with its key and set its time by the tower clock if it's wrong.

Player: Hmm.

- I need to get into your vault.

Registrar: I don't think you do, sorry.

- Nothing, thanks. I hope your eyes get better. (ends dialogue)

Putting the Caper into Motion

Pickpocketing the Registrar

(if you fail) Registrar: Get away from there!

(if you succeed) You steal a very small key from the registrar's pocket.

The Clock

You wind the clock's mainspring as tight as it will go.

Player: A few seconds to … fifty o'clock – that should do it.

Registrar: Oh that cursed clock is on the blink again!

Where's my key got to?

It must have fallen out o my pocket somewhere...

Stupid clock! Dwarven-made excellence, my bustle!

Why won't you WORK!


Ah, much better.

I must have that shelf dusted.

If Caught

Registrar: Oi! Was that you fiddling with my clock?

Player: No, it was, erm, Quasibonko the Hideous Hunchback! He went that way.

Registrar: Don't give me that. Hand over my key and get out.

Player: How's it going in there, guard?

Guard: Is everything alright in there, Yelena.


You take a small key from the guard's pocket; an engraving on it reads “Vault Key”.

Ungh. What hit me?

If caught during luring

Registrar: What going on here?

Player: I'm sure I've no idea.

Registrar: Well, I'm going to have to ask you to leave while I sort this out.

In the vault

Player: Done it. Now to …

You hear voices from the floor above.

Registrar: Bernard! What happened?

Guard: Sum'n's down ina vault … hit'm on the head …

Registrar: Right, I'll fix them.

There is a clank of machinery.

Registrar: Let them stew down there for a while.

Player: Uh oh.

Picking the lock

This door has a sturdy lock. It's complex, but nothing you've not seen before.

Inspecting the Crates

- Leave the Vault

Player: Time I was elsewhere, I think.

- Not yet ...

If you could get on top of this box you could probably reach the ventilation grill.


(If you try to open first) Player: Argh! Best nor to do that again...

(If you check first) Player: Oh, that's a nasty one.

A small trigger on the chest's lid is stamped 'RFED Traps, Ltd'.

Player: Ha!

(Opening the disarmed box) You take the bonds from the Guild Registry's coffers.

Player: Nice. Now to get out of here...

Returning to the Scene of the Crime

If you have the Vial on you

Player: I'll have to bank this vial of stench or they'll be no help to me in there.

Without Vial

Player: Well, here's the moment of truth for Robin's potion …

Guard: Welcome to the Guild Registry, sir/madam.

The guard sniffs dolefully.

Player: Are your eyes alright? You look awful.

Guard: Some joker with a stinkbomb tried to rob us. We've got them trapped in the vault, though. We'll let them stew for a while and then see justice done.

Player: I wish I could be around to see that.

Attempting to wind the clock

You don't need to distract the Registrar now you have the money.

Player: Hello there. I'm from the Thieves' Guild in Lumbridge; I'm here to pay our dues.

Registrar: Not so fast! We've got one of your member trapped in the vault.

Player: Really? What do they look like?

Registrar: We can't tell. He/she has some sort of device that makes our eyes water if we get close. All we know is it's a man/woman of about your height.

Player: That's a bit vague. You could just as well be describing me! It might be a freelancer, I suppose.

Registar: I suppose that's possible, yes.

Player: Anyway, I have the fees here, already made out to the Guild Registry.

Registrar: Thank you very much.

The registrar writes an entry in her records.

Registrar: Now, if you don't mind, we've a thief to chastise.

Player: Then I think I'll be on my way. Thanks again!

Attempting to go back into the Registry

Player: I don't know that I want to tempt fate by going in there.

A Guild of Our Own

Player: Hello there.

Robin: Ah, our rising star. Now what can I do for you?

Player: About this caper … I pulled off the scam, Robin!

Robin: Good work. Darren will be pleased.

Darren: This is our time, my friend! What is the status of your mission to secure us the, er, status we so richly deserve?

Player: I'd like to talk about the caper I'm doing for you. It's done, Guildmaster.

Darren: My dear fellow! Finally we have a guild of our own! The Lumbridge Thieve's Guild can finally hold its own next to the crafters, rangers, fishers, and all the other mighty names in the kingdoms, and it's thanks entirely to our efforts.

Player: Our?

Darren: Yes! With my direct, Robin's experience, and your nimble fingers, we have carved this little root cellar into a glorious bastion of banditry the likes of which the world has never seen … And now we can plan our next noble strike against the injust, and those bloated on their own monies …

Player: I'll just be going, I think.

You leave him to his speech while he's still building up steam.

Post Caper

Player: Hello there.

Without Vial of Stench

Robin: Do you still have that vial of stench, player?

Player: In my bank – why?

Robin: Bring it here and I'll show you a nifty trick. Now what can I do for you?

With Vial of Stench in Inventory

Robin: Can I see that vial of yours, player?

Robin mumbles over the vial some more.

Robin: I thought you might find it useful when you're fencing shoplifted goods if the merchants you steal from don't know who just ripped them off.

He winks slyly.

Player: I really want to know where you learned that trick.

Robin: Oh, I've always been able to wink. Now what can I do for you?

Darren: Ah, player, there you are. How is the shadowy world of crime going up there?

Player: Very shady, thank you.

- Can we try out that testing dummy again?

Darren: Of course! Right, I want you to pick the pocket of that dummy as sneakily and as delicately as you possibly can.

Player yawns.

Darren: Well, go on, pick its pocket.

Player: Here's the handkerchief.

Darren: Amazing! I didn't even notice your hands move! I've never seen such a virtuoso display and in fact, I didn't see that one either. I don't suppose you could give ME some pointers?

Player: Well, alright. Just watch as I do it and see if you can pick up from my technique.

Remember: loose fingers, tight wrists!

Calm but quick it, that's the ticket.

It's the eye of the kyatt, it's the will of the heist …

Handkerchief on, handkerchief off. Well, no, just handkerchief off, actually.

Oom-pah-pah! Oom … wait, no, that's the second act.

Once more with feeling!

And relax. Got that?

Darren: Those were inspired words, my friend! I couldn't have explained it nearly so well myself!

Player: Feel free to pass on my words to others who follow.

Darren: I see the light! Thank you, my friend!

- How's the guild coming along these days?

Darren: Our vault is build, we've got a man on the inside of the banking network and the living quarters are finished. Thanks to you, we've got a guild to be proud of! Anything else I can do for you?

- So what's new around here?

Darren: Look at this glorious guildhall I have caused to be! Our own bank, our own banker … Have you met Pinsworth?

Player: What's a Pinsworth?

Darren: Oh, he's big into bank security, but the Bank of Lumbridge fired him, so he's our man now.

- Sorry I was just leaving. (ends dialogue)

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