Transcript:Bringing Home the Bacon

This page contains dialogue related to Bringing Home the Bacon. The content below is copied verbatim from RuneScape and thus copyrighted by Jagex.

This section or article is incomplete. Reason: Sections based on the other types of pig (prayer and combat) are missing completely. These are marked "missing" You can discuss this issue on the talk page or edit this page to improve it.

This transcript involves dialogue with Eli, Martin the Master Gardener, Pickpocket Andy, Pickpocket Bert, Pickpocket Chris, Pickpocket Dan, Pickpocket Edd, and Pig (pet).

A new treat

• Player: Hey there. What's that delicious smell?
• Eli: That? Oh, that's something I'm working on. Hey, you look like you've done some farm work in your time. You free to help me out?
• Player: And what is it you need me to do?
• Eli: I just need you to eat some of this...meat I've cooked up. It's not from a person or anything like that! I just need you to give it a taste and tell me what you think.
• Player: Okay, I'm game. Wait. Why did you think I would assume it was from a person?

Eli gives you a delicious-smelling strip of meat.

• Eli: No reason. I thought you might have heard about that accident. Yeah... Anyway, scarf that down and tell me what you think.
• That was great! What was it?
  • Eli: That, my friend, was a new type of meat I've discovered. I call it...bacon!
  • (continues as below)
• My mouth is filled with joy!
  • missing
• That was okay.
  • Player: That was okay.
  • Eli: Okay? Just okay?
  • Player: Yeah. Just okay.
  • Eli: I was hoping for a better reaction.
  • Player: Just because I don't like it doesn't mean others won't. What was that meat anyway?
• Eli: That, my friend, was a new type of meat I have discovered. I call it... bacon!
• Player: Bay...con? Why did you call it that? Does it come from a creature called a 'bay' or something?
• Eli: No! I named it after myself, Eli Bacon! Bacon, like my last name! That's what all the great people do.
• Player: Oh, sorry! So what is it then?
• Eli: What would you say if I told you it was...from a pig?
• Player: A pig? Urgh! Why would anyone want to eat one of those?
• Eli: Well, it's a long story. But let me ask you something first. What would you say pigs are good for?
• Player: Ceremonial greased pig wrestling, obviously.
• Eli: And what else?
• Player: Well you could... I suppose...maybe they could...
• Eli: Exactly! Aside from pig wrestling they are useless! They are just big, smelly animals that eat loads of food. Even pig wrestling is in decline thanks to all these new sports like 'Castle Wars' and 'duelling'. Thanks to all these popular pastimes there is no demand for pigs. I think only me and Martin keep them these days. And he only keeps them because of the tourist money generated by his freakishly large pig; Pigzilla. Basically if people find out that pigs taste delicious when cooked how long do you think it'll take to eat them all? Just look what happened to those useless no-horned unicorns that were all over the place a few years ago. When people worked out they tasted good they were wiped right out!
• Player: I suppose you're right. But what can we do about it?
• Eli: What we'll do is get people wanting pigs for something other than meat. After all, people keep cows around for milk and sheep for wool. If we can convince them pigs are good for something, then they'll start breeding them again. Once the numbers are back up, we can reveal the tasty truth to everyone. By that point there'll be enough pigs that people can eat as many as they want.
• Player: That sounds like a great idea. How are we going to do it?
• Eli: I have a plan, what we are going to do is...

Keeping the bacon addicts at bay

Cutscene opens

• Player: Hey, what's that sound?
• Eli: What sound?
• Player: Who are they?
• Eli: Those are some of the locals. They know about bacon. I gave a few of them a taste and now they're addicted. They're crazy!
• Player: They're so creepy...
• Eli: Don't worry. So long as you locked that gate behind you we should be all right.
• Player: Uh, that might be my fault.
• Bacon addict: Baaaaaaacon! Must eat baaaaacon!
• Eli: Did you hear that? They're going to eat me!
• Player: I think they might be after the pigs, not you.
• Eli: Oh! Er...that does make sense. Wait! They're buttering up the pigs for roasting! We have to stop them!
• Player: Well what can we do?
• Eli: Try making some pig decoys! Those lunatics are too far gone to tell the difference. Here - take this big stack of bacon. You'll need some planks too. Let's go!

Eli shoves a heap of delicious bacon into your pack to distract the addicts with

• Eli: Try and build something out of those to distract them! Quick!

Eli Provides[sic] some wooden planks to make his cunning pig dummies

Upon building the first pig dummy.

• Eli: That's the ticket! Now cover it in bacon as a diversion!

After rescuing all the pigs

• Player: Looks like Eli has rescued the last of the pigs. I should head down into the cellar and speak to him.

Eli's cellar

• Eli: Good work. While they're eating that bacon we can get this show on the road.
• Player: What do you mean?
• Eli: You remember I said I had a plan to drive up demand for pigs? Well this is it. What we do is raise an amazing pig. I mean a real monster! One that people will come for miles around to see. Then, we train it to do some sort of trick. We show it off to all kinds of folks, and they go nuts for pigs! Before you know it, demand for pigs will soar!
• Player: That does sound like a good idea.
• Eli: And then...bam! We bring out bacon and make a fortune!
• Player: But if everyone has pigs at that point, how will you make money from selling bacon?
• Eli: Well it is called 'bacon'. I'm sure that legally they'll have to pay me money when they start making it. I sent off a form and a promised to hand over lots of money to secure the rights to call pig meat 'bacon'. It can't fail!
• Player: What could go wrong?
• Eli: I know! All we need to do is work out what a pig is good for. Any ideas?
• Maybe they can fight?
  • missing
• Maybe they can carry an altar?
  • Eli: How will that get people interested?
  • Player: People need to recharge spiritual energy and altars are often hard to find. If a pig could carry one about, that would be useful.
  • Eli: That's a good idea you had there. I guess you're smarter than you look after all.
  • (Continues as below)
• Maybe they can carry items?
  • Eli: How will that get people interested?
  • Player: Pigs are rather big, so they can probably handle quite a few packs and bags. That's really handy for adventuring!
• I don't have any ideas.
  • Eli: Aww, and there was me thinking you'd be the smart one. You have a think and let me know when you've got something.
    • (After talking to Eli again)
    • Eli: Well hello again. You got any idea what we can teach our showpig to do?
    • (Continues as above)
• Eli: That's a good idea you had there. I guess you're smarter than you look after all.
• Player: Uh, thanks...I think. So what now?
• Eli: Now we need our showpig. Go have a word with Martin in Draynor and see if he'll let us have a piglet from his big old Pigzilla.
• Player: Will do!
• Eli: You can always find him by his pigsty in the marketplace. Just head south-east from here and you'll find him in no time.

Talking to Eli again

• What do you want me to do again?
  • Eli: Now we need our showpig. Go have a word with Martin in Draynor and see if he'll let us have a piglet from his big old Pigzilla.
  • Player: Will do!
  • Eli: You can always find him by his pigsty in the marketplace. Just head south-east from here and you'll find him in no time.
• Who are you?
  • Eli: I am Eli Bacon, the proud inventor of bacon! I work on this here farm as a pig farmer.
  • Player: Won't naming the food after yourself cause some confusion?
  • Eli: I don't think so. Nobody gets Richard Cookedmeat confused with the food he came up with. Same with Gerald Beer and Simon Bread.
  • Player: I don't think bread was invented by someone called Simon.
  • Eli: Well that's where you are wrong. I sent off some fancy papers about registering your food with the Cooks' Guild. Chef Morrisane explained it all in his handy little pamphlet. And it only cost me thirty percent of all future earnings!
• How did you discover bacon?
  • Eli: Well, a few days ago I was getting Gassy Steve - one of my prized wrestling pigs - ready for his next competition. I'd attached him by his trotters to an old spit roast. It keeps 'em still while I cover 'em with ceremonial garlic-and-herb grease, y'see. Then, disaster struck! I'd placed dry twigs and rags under the spit to catch the falling grease, as usual. Before I knew what was happening, sparks from a nearby torch ignited them, and poor Gassy went up in flames!
  • Player: Another tale of a promising sporting career cut brutally short.
  • Eli: Within minutes, a crowd of people had gathered by the farm. The smell of poor Steve cooking was, ironically, attracting people from far and wide. People started begging me to not bury him, and wanted to try the cooked flesh to see if it tasted as good as it smelled. Stricken with grief as I was, I gave it a try myself...and found it to be sweet and delicious! And that is how I learned the secret of bacon.
• I think I should go.
  • Eli: Right, see you later.

Draynor Village

Pick the 'Bringing Home the Bacon.' option when talking to Martin

• Player: Martin, can I have one of Pigzilla's piglets?
• Martin the Master Gardener: Why would you want one of them? Are you thinking of starting a pig farm? If you are, then be warned - the bottom has really fallen out of the pig wrestling game. You'd be better off investing in a cow.
• Player: It's not for me. It's for Eli Bacon. We're planning something that will increase interest in pigs, and need an impressive piglet to do it.
• Martin the Master Gardener: Oh, that is good news! I suppose I could give you a piglet if that's the case.
• Player: Fantastic! Just put it in my backpack and I'll be on my way.
• Martin the Master Gardener: Hold on there! I need you to do something for me first. I don't know who it is, but someone has been picking my pockets.
• Player: Oh no. Who would do such a dastardly thing?
• Martin the Master Gardener: I think it was one of those dodgy types over to the west. I want you to find out who did it and give them a thrashing.
• Player: You mean kill them?
• Martin the Master Gardener: No! That's a little too much! Just give them a good kicking and I'll give you the piglet.
• Player: Seems fair enough. I'll get right on it.
• Martin the Master Gardener: Remember, one of them will be lying about where he was when it happened. Just find out who doesn't have an alibi. If they can't tell you truthfully where they were when I was robbed, they must be the culprit!

Talking to Martin again after initial conversation

• Player What did you want me to do again?
  • Martin the Master Gardener: I want you to go and find out which one of those pickpockets over there to the west has been stealing from me. Remember, one of them will be lying about where he was when it happened. Just find out who doesn't have an alibi. If they can't tell you truthfully where they were when I was robbed, they must be the culprit! And when you find them, give them a thrashing they won't forget in a hurry!

Going back to Eli Bacon before talking to the pickpockets

• Eli: Can I help you with something?
  • Player: What do you want me to do again?
    • Eli: Now we need a great pig to be our showpig. Go have a word with Martin in Draynor and see if he'll let us have a piglet from his big old hog.
    • Player: I've had a word with him and he wants me to deal with a pickpocket first.
    • Eli: Best get to it, then. Check the shed if you want an axe, sacks or shovel.
      • Player: Thanks, I have my own.
      • Player: Why would I need those?
        • Eli: You never know. I always find them handy when 'dealing' with people.
      • Player: ...I'm going now.
        • Eli: Fine. See you later!

Talking to pickpockets

• Pickpocket Andy
  • Player Where were you when Martin's pockets were picked?
  • Pickpocket Andy I was with Bert.
    • Any one of the following
    • Pickpocket Andy Me and him go way back, we do.
    • Pickpocket Andy Just go ask him.
    • Pickpocket Andy We were minding our own business - know what I mean?
    • Pickpocket Andy Yeah, he'll back me up.
    • Pickpocket Andy He'll tell you. Just go and ask him.
    • Pickpocket Andy That's right. I was with him all day.
      • Same options below for all pickpockets
      • Player Hmm...
        • Player You're the one that picked Martin's pockets!
          • Any one of the following
            • Pickpocket Bert What are you on about? He's not the one!
            • Pickpocket Bert Shut your hole - he's innocent!
            • Pickpocket Bert Whaddya mean? He was with me all day!
            • Pickpocket Bert Don't make me laugh. He was with me!
              • (Audio incorrect. Says "He'll tell you. Just go and ask him")
            • Pickpocket Bert Shut up! I know he didn't do it!
            • Player Sorry! I guess I got it wrong.
        • Player I've got my eye on you.
          • Pickpocket Andy Yeah, whatever...
• Pickpocket Bert
  • Player Where were you when Martin's pockets were picked?
  • Pickpocket Bert I was with Andy.
    • Same options as above
• Pickpocket Chris
  • Player Where were you when Martin's pockets were picked?
  • Pickpocket Chris I was with Dan.
    • Same options as above
• Pickpocket Dan
  • Player Where were you when Martin's pockets were picked?
  • Pickpocket Dan I was with Chris.
    • Same options as above
• Pickpocket Edd
  • Player Where were you when Martin's pockets were picked?
  • Pickpocket Edd I was with Chris.
    • Player Hmm...
      • Player You're the one that picked Martin's pockets!
        • Pickpocket Edd All right, you got me! Now what are you going to do about it?
        • Player I'm going to earn a giant piglet, that's what I'm going to do!
        • Pickpocket Edd What?
        • Cutscene plays - transcript below
      • Player I've got my eye on you.
        • Pickpocket Edd Yeah, whatever...

After finding out the culprit

• Player: You! You're the one that picked Martin's pockets!
• Pickpocket: All right, you got me! Now what are you going to do about it?
• Player: I'm going to earn a giant piglet, that's what I'm going to do!
• Pickpocket: What?

Cutscene opens

• Player: Martin, this is the pickpocket that stole from you.
• Martin the Master Gardener: It's good to finally meet you. Did you enjoy robbing me, you swine?
• Pickpocket: I did indeed, and I'll do it again once this farce is over!
• Martin the Master Gardener: You'll be laughing on the other side of your face in a moment! Let him have it!
• Player: I didnt want to come down to this, but you leave me no choice! Let that be a lesson to you!
• Martin the Master Gardener: Is that it?
• Pickpocket: Yeah. I mean, I barely felt that.
• Player: I thought you didn't want me to kill him.
• Martin the Master Gardener: Well no, but I expected more than one little punch. You know, there are lots of ways you can hit someone without killing them.
• Player: Really? Okay, let's give this another try.
• Pickpocket: So is that really it? Can I go now?
• Player: Not just yet. We're going to have another bash at it.

Scene changes and shows a piglet and kitten

Oh look! A piglet and a kitten!

• Pickpocket: What are you doing?
• Player: Take this!

Isn't the pig chubby and cute, and the kitten fluffy and adorable?

• Pickpocket: MY ORGANS!
• Player: And this!

They are the best of friends, and have adorable adventures every day.

• Pickpocket: I can literally taste my own agony!
• Player: And this!

They dress up in little costumes and run around with all their woodland chums...

• Pickpocket: Spleeeeeeeeeeeen!
• Martin the Master Gardener: By the gods! He's had enough!
• Player: And one more for luck!

What high jinks and capers they get up to!

Scene returns to Martin, Player, and the Pickpocket

• Pickpocket: Blubble...
• Martin the Master Gardener: Okay, okay, I think he's learned his lesson. Leave him be!
• Pickpocket: Learned...lesson...going...hospital...now...
• Player: I don't think he'll be bothering you again for a while.
• Martin the Master Gardener: I'm pretty sure you just scared off every pickpocket in the district. Well done! You've more than earned this little piglet.

Martin hands you a healthy, wriggling piglet.

• Player: Thanks! I'll take him to Eli now.

Talking to Martin again

• Player: Can I rename that pig I got from you?
• Martin the Master Gardener: You should probably wait for Eli to give you pig before you do that.

Talking to Martin after destroying the piglet

• Player: Have you seen that piglet you gave me?
• Martin the Master Gardener: Yes, he ran up to me just now. Take better care of him this time.
  • (Audio absent)

Martin returns the frisky piglet to your backpack.

Training the piglet

Talking to Eli with piglet either in bank or destroyed

• Player: I got the piglet from Martin!
• Eli: Really? Where is it?
• Player: I had it here a second ago. Let me just go look for it.

Talking to Eli

• Player: I got the piglet from Martin!
• Eli: Great! Did he ask much for it?
• Player: No. All I had to do was deal with a pickpocket for him.
• Eli: Sounds like a fair enough trade. Let's take a look at that piglet then, Player.
• Player: There you go. What should we do now?
• Eli: What we need to do now is work on making a machine to train the pig. What was it you thought they could do again?
  • (If you chose Pack pig)
    • Eli: Haul stuff about for you? Yeah, that sounds about right.
  • (If you chose Prayer pig)
    • Eli: Carry an altar? Yeah, that sounds about right.
  • (If you chose War pig)
    • Eli (missing - please fill)
• Eli: I have some plans drawn up, but I think you'd be better off putting it all together. Three planks should cover it. All it'll take is a couple of planks. I'd help out myself, but I broke my hammer on a hiker last week.
  • Player: You broke your hammer on a hiker?
  • Eli: I meant I broke my hammer mending a fence ruined by hikers. Yeah, that's what happened.
  • Player:How did you do that?
  • Eli Let's just say that some hikers are very tough and so they...break fences...
  • Player: ... You know what? I don't want to know.
  • Eli Fair enough.
  • Eli Anyway - not wanting to change the topic or anything - after you've built it, you'll need to upgrade it to train the pig. That should only take a couple of iron bars and three more planks. Oh, and best use some nails to hold it all together. In fact, I have those here for you now. You might as well use mine instead of yours.

Eli provides you with the items needed to create the machine.

• Eli: Here, since you can take it all now, you might as well have the stuff to upgrade it as well. That'll save you time when you're done building it.

Eli also provides you with the items needed to upgrade the machine.

Talking to Eli before receiving the materials but after talking about the hiker

• missing - please fill

Talking to Eli again after receiving the materials

• Eli Can I help you with something?
  • Player What do you want me to do again?
  • Eli What we need to do now is work on a machine to train the pig.
  • (continues as above)

Trying to build the machine without the materials

• (missing - please fill)

You construct the basic pig-training machine.

Talking to Eli after building the pig-training machine

• Player I've built the machine. What now?
• Eli That's a pretty machine and no mistake. It reminds me of the one... never mind. We won't need anything fancy like saw blades or blood-sluices like last time. Just some more planks and iron bars.
• Player Blood sl- Did you use a machine like this to butcher the pigs for bacon?
• Eli Yes, that's exactly what I used it for.

Trying to upgrade the machine without the materials

• You will need 3 basic wooden planks, 2 iron bars and at least 3 nails to do that.

If you chose the the Pack pig

You upgrade the machine to train pigs to haul heavy loads.

If you chose the Prayer pig

You upgrade the machine to train pigs to carry altars

If you chose the War pig

Missing

Talking to Eli after building and upgrading the machine

• Player: Whew! That all looks like it'll work. What now?
• Eli: We need to fatten this little fellow up a bit - make him look more impressive, like. I have plenty of pig feed, but we should probably mix in some wheat to fortify it a little. Would you mind grabbing some for me? Five bundles should be more than enough. There's a field over by Draynor that you can take it from. It's not too far away.
• Player: Fine. This shouldn't take too long.

Talking to Eli again

• Eli Can I help you with something?
• Player What did you want me to do again?
• Eli We need to top up the food supplies, so I need you to get me 5 bundles of wheat. I need you to get 5 bundles of wheat and bring them here for me. The closest wheat field is over to the east of Draynor.
• Player Okay, I'll get on it now.

Returning after getting fewer than 5 bundles of wheat

• Player Here I got some of things we need!
• Eli (missing - please fill)

Returning after getting the wheat

• Eli: That should keep us sorted for a while. Thanks!
• Player: It was no problem at all. So what now?
• Eli: Your pig is still looking a little small. We need to bulk it up a bit.
• Player: Should we maybe wait a little longer to see if he goes through a growth spurt?
• Eli: I don't think we can keep this news under wraps for much longer. Those bacon addicts... Wait...that's it... Of course! Hahaha!
• Player: Err...Eli?
• Eli: Bwahahaha!
• Player: Eli?
• Eli: Oh, don't mind me. I just thought of something funny about... pigs. I have had an idea though. What this little squealer needs is some good, healthy exercise. Keeping him cooped up down here won't do him any good. We need to get him up and about in the sunshine. If we can clear the yard of addicts then we can take him for a good old trot about in the fresh air.
• Player: So what do you suggest we do?
• Eli: Here, I use this 'sleeping potion' sometimes when I need to get...pigs...to sleep. Just let me peel that old skull-and-crossbones label off. There, that should do it. Just go up there, attach some bacon to one of those pig statues you made and then pour some potion onto it. When they tuck into it they'll fall asleep. Then I can...er...
• Take them home to recover?
  • Player: Take them home to sleep it off while we continue our quest?
  • Eli: Yeah, that sounds good. I'll do that.
• Get the guards to deal with them?
  • Player: Get the Falador guards to put them in a cell?
  • Eli: Oh, the guards. Of course. That makes sense.
• Not kill them?
  • Player: How about doing something that does not involve killing them?
  • Eli: What? I would never do that!
  • Player: Sure...
• Player: Great! I'll make a start.
• Eli: Just head up into the field through the trapdoor to begin. I'll leave the bacon and sleeping potion up there for you.

Talking to Eli again

• Eli Can I help you with something?
• Player What did you want me to do again?
• Eli I need you to go and knock out those crazy addicts with this here sleeping potion. It's perfectly safe. Just slap some bacon on the statues, sprinkle some of this on, and let them do the rest.
• Player Sounds simple. I'll get right on it.
• Eli: Just head up into the field through the trapdoor to begin. You'll find the bacon and sleeping potion up there.

You collect a stack of bacon and the 'sleeping potion' as you enter the field.

• Player: They've all eaten the bacon, but they're not falling asleep. I should speak to Eli and find out what went wrong.
• Eli: How's the yard looking now?
• Player: I got the addicts to eat the bacon, but they all seem fine.
• Eli: Don't worry about that. The potion takes a while to act. Makes it more of a surprise when they start to get sleepy. I mean, it's best to slip an animal this stuff when they don't expect it. Say, how are you feeling by the way?
• Player: Fine, thanks. Why do you ask?
• Eli: No reason. Tell you what - in case the potion doesn't work, why don't you go get me some onions?
• Player: Onions? Why do you need onions?
• Eli: Well, you know how garlic repels vampyres I'm convinced that onions will repel these bacon addicts.
• Player: What? How does that work, exactly?
• Eli: Look, I invented bacon, so I should know how it works. Bacon and onions are two strong flavours, and they just don't go together.
• Player: To those hardened bacon addicts - well, they shouldn't even be able to go near them.
• Eli: Specifically fresh onions. So if you can go and get me a fresh onion you picked yourself then we can use it to clear the yard if the poison doesn't work.
• Player: I'm...really having trouble following this. By that logic, you are saying that onions repel bacon addicts because it does not go with the food they eat - bacon.
• Eli: That's right so far.
• Player: But then garlic would only repel vampyres because it does not go well with the food they eat - blood. And how would you know that?
• Eli: Look, I'm the bacon expert here. I can't just expect any lay person to understand how this stuff works.
• Player: Well all right. I guess it won't take me long to gather a few onions to see if it works. I suppose five should be enough. Will you need a hand dealing with the addicts if the potions takes effect while I'm away?
• Eli: Oh don't worry. I've got it under control.
• Player: Right. Well...I'll be right back I suppose.

Talking to Eli again before getting onions

• Eli Can I help you with something?
• Player What did you want me to do again?
• Eli I need you to get some fresh onions to help ward off the addicts. In case the potion doesn't work, you know? When they're gone, we can take him around the field to bulk up. Just go out and pick some fresh onions. The fresher the better.
• Player That's fair enough. I'll get five as that should be more than enough.
• Eli Just leave the farm - ignoring any muffled screaming you may hear - and go to the field south east of Draynor. That's the closest one I can think of. In the meantime, I'll see if those addicts fall asleep from the potion, then I'll...deal with them

Talking to Eli again after getting onions

• Player: Eli, where have all the bacon addicts gone? And why is my pig fully grown?
• Eli: The addicts? They...er...blew away in a storm. I've been taking your friend here out for trips around the field - good exercise! Yeah.
• Player: So do you still need the onions?
• Eli: Oh yes. Your pig is still hungry and with the addicts gone he'll eat the onions himself. We might as well top up the supplies in case the meat runs out.
• Player: What meat?
• Eli: Meals. I meant in case his meals run out.
• Fair enough.
  • (Continues below.)
• That sounds pretty suspicious.
  • Player: That sounds pretty suspicious.
  • Eli: No it doesn't.
  • Player: But...
  • Eli: It sounds perfectly reasonable.
  • Player: But...
  • Eli: Perfectly. Reasonable.
• Eli: That should keep us safe if more addicts appear. I suppose the next thing to do is turn on the machine and see how well it works!
• Player: Are you sure this will work?
• Eli: Well, you built the thing. I doubt the pig'll be much use just from this, but he'll look just grand. And that's all we need. If the pig looks good and you can pretend that the trick works, we're set!

Talking to Eli again before activating the machine

• Eli Can I help you with something?
• Player What did you want me to do again?
• Eli We need to put the machine through its paces. Just go and interact with and we'll see how things stand when the pig pops out the other end.
• Player Seems pretty simple. I'll be right back.

Cutscene plays after activating the machine

• Player: Here goes nothing!
• Eli: Hmm, I think this might need a little work.
• Pig: Oink?
• Eli: Well, I guess it's better than nothing. Come here you.

Talking to Eli againa fter activating the machine

• Player: The machine seems to have worked.
• Eli: It does, although I think I should give it a tweak while you are away. Maybe I can dig up some of the clothes, packs and armour buried in the field to equip pigs a little better.
• Player: Why do you have clothes and stuff buried in the field?
• Eli: People keep on dropping things in there. Like old clothes, hats, money, personal possessions and unwanted limbs. I bury them in the field to keep the place from getting untidy. Look, it's a farming thing. You wouldn't understand.
  • Player: I suppose.
  • Player: It really doesn't sound like a farming thing.
  • Eli: it is a very specific pig farming thing. For only this farm. And if your name is Eli.
  • Player: That is rather specific.
  • Player: Really? How generous of them?
  • Eli: No! I didn't kill any...wait, what?
  • Player: I can't imagine anyone just leaving all that handy stuff out for you. Do they leave money too, or just items?
  • Eli: You...you believed that?
  • Player: Of course. Why wouldn't I?
  • Eli: No reason. Remind me to get you as a character witness if I ever need one.
• Eli: Anyway, take that pig around the big cities to show it off! Lumbridge Castle courtyard, Varrock Marketplace, Ardougne Marketplace and near the north Falador gate would be the best to give it a try. If nothing else, they're next to those lodestone things, so you can teleport there with the pig easily. Don't be frightened to let the pig walk with you. Just put him down on the ground when you want to show him off and pick him up when you're done.
• Player: You wouldn't happen to have a list of the cities I can take him to, in case I forget?
• Eli: Here, this should help your memory. Now go and show the world what a pig can do!

Eli provides you with a list of locations to visit.

• Player: I'll be right back

Eli manhandles the fully grown pig into your backpack.

• Eli: And if you don't like the name Martin gave your pig, you can go and change it with him now he's all yours.

Talking to Eli again

• Eli Can I help you with something?
• Player What did you want me to do again?
• Eli Well, you have a showpig. All you need to do now is take them round four cities and then we'll see if that drums up demand for pigs. I would say that Lumbridge Castle courtyard, Varrock Marketplace, Ardougne Marketplace and near the north Falador gate would be the best to give it a try. Don't be frightened to let the pig walk with you. Just put him down on the ground when you want to show him off and pick him up when you're done.
• Player Sure, I'll do that now.

Visiting cities

Talking to your pig

• Player: Come on, we have a lot of work to do.
• Pig Snort snort...grunt grunt? (I'm tired...Can't we take a break yet?)
• Player: Not yet. But soon, I promise.

Visiting the first city

• Player: Well, let's impress some people with your 'skills'.
• Pig: Oink? (Whut?)

Cutscene opens

• Man: Hey there, stranger. Why do you have a pig following you around?
• Woman: Is it pig-wrestling day already? I need to get my wrestling hat!
• Player: Actually I have trained this pig to do more than just wrestle.

If you chose the the BoB pig

• Player: As you can see, I've attached some packs to this pig so it can carry items for me.
• Player: Have you ever not had enough space to carry sharks or granite boulders in your pockets? Well a pig is strong enough to haul some of your daily load!
• Woman: That sounds useful, but can it also carry smaller items like seeds and arrowheads?
• Man: And it can keep my items safe from pickpockets? I heard that some fled here from Draynor recently.
• Player: It can do all that and more!
• Man: Well, stranger, your pig certainly has shown us a new way to store and carry our belongings.

If you chose the Prayer pig

• Player: This pig carries with it an altar dedicated to the gods... In a general, non-denominational way.
• Woman Is that really, you know, holy?
• Man: Will it work with Zamorak? As a secret cultist I have problems finding an altar when I need one.
• Player: Don't worry, all of you. This altar works for all the gods, and is probably not sacrilegious to any of them.
• Man: What a useful ability! I had no idea pigs could be used for spiritual tasks like this.

If you chose the Combat pig

• Player: They can fight in real combat! Look at that steely determination and state-of-the-art armour.
• Player: Why with one of these at your side you'll be ready for any fight!
• Man: It's porcine power is too great! What hubris has unleashed such a monster?
• Woman: If we all flee now we might live!
• Player: Don't worry! Like any pig you have ever wrestled this one is loyal and friendly to you, but not to your enemies.
• Man: What a relief! I thought we were all done for.

Player: I'm glad I could show everyone here the value of pigs.

• Man: But just out of interest, where can we get trained pigs like this?
• Woman: Yes, we've had to cancel the last three pig-wrestling days because we couldn't find one. We had to use a goblin in the end.
• Man: It just wasn't the same...
• Player: Well pig numbers are down, but I'm sure if you were to speak to Eli Bacon and Martin then they might help you set up a sty. Then you can raise all the pigs you'll ever need!
• Man: That's a great idea! Three cheers for this passing stranger and his performing pig!
• You show off your pig to the next group of people. You still need to display your pig in: (lists cities you still need to visit)
• At the remaining cities
• Player: ...Then you can raise all the pigs you'll ever need!
• Man: That's a great idea! Three cheers for this passing stranger and their performing pig!

At the final city

• Player: I think that's impressed enough people. I should go back and see Eli to check if it worked.

Finishing up

• Eli: Welcome back! It worked!
• Player: It did? Great!
• Eli: We've had about a dozen people come by asking to buy breeding pairs of pigs. Others have put in orders for pig-training equipment too. I hear that Martin's in the same position. You've saved the pig population from going extinct!
• Player: Always glad to help.
• Eli: Only thing is - what with my pigs being moved underground - they think that's the way to raise them.
• Player: Well, I suppose that'll keep them safe from roaming bacon addicts at any rate.
• Eli: I suppose you're right. It just means if you want to get bacon at the main cities you'll have to keep an eye out for pig pits instead of pig sties! In a year or so we can start letting people in on the secret of bacon. In the meantime you can come see me whenever you want more. This calls for a fry-up!

Quest complete!

Post-quest dialogue

• Eli: Can I help you with something?
• Player: How's the pig farm going?
• Eli: Very well. I have some things for you if you want them.
• Can I have some bacon?
  • Eli: There you go! I've sent them to your bank. Anything else you need?
• Can I have some trained pig familiars?
  • Eli: There you go! I've sent them to your bank. Anything else you need?
• I don't need anything, thanks.

After claiming bacon or familiars

(missing)

• Eli... have you been killing people?
  • Eli: No! No, no no no... no!
  • Player: No?
  • Eli: No! Look, just because I am a pig farmer, livinig out here on the edge of someone else's farm in a creepy cellar that stinks of blood and offal does not make me a bad guy! I mean the local guard are always beating down my door whenever someone goes missing. I ask you, is it fair? Is it justice?
  • Then what happened to the addicts?
    • Eli: Moving swiftly along...
  • Are you feeding them to your pigs?
    • Eli: Moving swiftly along...

(missing)