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This transcript involves dialogue with Cook, Doris, Evil Dave, and Gypsy Aris.

The Man in Black

Inspecting Evil Dave

  • Player: Evil Dave? What's he doing on the secret council?
  • Gypsy Aris: The council is meant to include one dark wizard, but obviously the other members did not want to include anyone who was a real threat.
  • Player: So how do I free him?
  • Gypsy Aris: To free Evil Dave you must make a stew, but it must be seasoned in a very particular way. The only way to find the recipe would be to ask someone who has tasted the stew.
  • Player: But who could that be?
  • Gypsy Aris: Remember that from the point of view of the outside world, anything you do in here has already happened. All the people here are out in the world, because from their point of view you have already rescued them.
  • Player: You mean I need to talk to Evil Dave outside the time bubble?
  • Gypsy Aris: Yes. He lives in Edgeville.
  • Gypsy Aris: With his mother.
  • Gypsy Aris: In her basement. I make no judgements about that.
  • Player: Oooooookaaaaay...

Secret Stew

  • Player: That fellow with the unhealthy obsession with black... Dave his name is...
  • Player: I can't quite remember what I did to protect him.
  • Cook: Oh yeah! I didn't understand that one myself, but apparently you went and asked him how he likes his stew, then made him remember it after he'd tasted it!
  • Player: Uh... what?
  • Cook: Yeah, I didn't understand it either, but you mentioned something about demonic incursions and evil cats too!
  • Player: Oh yeah... I remember now...
  • Cook: Did you want a reminder on any other of your brave exploits?
  • [Back to list of options]

Demon Rats and Hellcats

House Call

  • Doris: Hello, dearie?
    • Player: Is Dave in?
      • Doris: Yes, he's just down in the cellar. Are you one of his evil friends?
        • Player: Yes, I'm evil!
          • Doris: Well, I hope the two of you have a good time. Try not to make too much of a mess.
        • Player: No, I just want to talk to him.
    • Player: Can Dave come out to play?
      • Doris: I know he's a grown man who lives in his mum's basement and hardly ever sees daylight, but there's no need to be nasty about it.


  • Evil Dave: Welcome to my BASEMENT OF DOOM!
    • If you have a hellcat out
      • Evil Dave: Woah, that's one totally evil cat! It looks way more evil than you!
    • Player: Nice basement!
      • Evil Dave: Nice?!
      • Player: I mean, evil!
      • Evil Dave: Yeah! I'm going to use it to summon DEMONS to DO MY BIDDING, or raise an ARMY OF THE UNDEAD! And then I'm going to totally, like, take over the world!
      • Evil Dave: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-haa!
    • Player: So have you had any luck with the demon-summoning? [If the above option was chosen]
      • Evil Dave: Well, I thought I should start small, so I asked Wizard Grayzag for some help with summoning imps...
      • Player: And did you manage to summon any?
      • Evil Dave: Well, not imps, exactly. IT turns out they're not the lowest form of demon after all. I got these hell-rats.
      • Evil Dave: They're hardly evil at all! They're just like regular rats only they smell vaguely of sulphur!
    • Player: Weren't you going to give up evil?
      • Evil Dave: Yeah, well...
      • Evil Dave: I did try. I wore this bright red jumper and I got up in the morning and spent the day outside in the sunshine...
      • *Dave shudders*
      • Evil Dave: But I couldn't keep it up. I just didn't find anything good very interesting, you know?
      • Evil Dave: Sometimes I worry about the consequences of evil. I don't really want anyone to get hurt, not like what happened with Denath.
      • Evil Dave: But I can't not be evil! It's just who I am!
      • Evil Dave: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-haa!
    • Player: What did you eat at the secret council meeting?
      • Evil Dave: Hey, the council meeting! They wanted me to be their evil representative! That proves I'm a great dark wizard! Right?
      • Player: Right...
      • Evil Dave: But anyway, why do you want to know what I ate?
      • Player: I need to make that exact food in order to save you from the culinaromancer's spell.
      • Evil Dave: What? But that was last week! You've already saved me!
      • Player: Sort of, it's complicated. It works like this...
        • Player: Although you're here, you're also still in the time freeze.
          • Evil Dave: What?
          • Player: I mean, the whole room was frozen in time at the moment the culinaromancer cast his spell, right?
          • Evil Dave: What? I didn't notice anything.
          • Player: Of course you didn't! You were frozen!
          • Evil Dave: So how can I be there and also here? Which one is me?
          • Evil Dave: I mean, I feel like I'm me, but what if I'm not me?
          • Evil Dave: That would be terrible!
          • Player: They're both you!
          • Evil Dave: How does that work?
        • Player: From YOUR point of view I've saved you, but from MINE I haven't.
          • Evil Dave: Well that's all right, as long as I'm saved from my point of view!
          • Player: But I have to save you, otherwise you won't be saved!
          • Evil Dave: But I'm here so you must already have saved me!
          • Player: That's what I meant, from your point of view I've saved you but from mine I haven't!
          • Evil Dave: What?
        • Player: I've got to take the food back in time to give it to you.
          • Evil Dave: Why?
          • Player: Because otherwise you won't be saved from the culinaromancer's spell.
          • Evil Dave: But I was saved from the spell! I remember it!
          • Player: Exactly! That's why I know I have to go back and save you!
          • Evil Dave: What will happen if you don't?
            • Player: I can't not, I already have!
            • Player: There will be a temporal paradox and the universe will implode!
              • Evil Dave: Oh no! That would be bad, and not even in an evil way!
              • Player: Exactly! So you've got to tell me the recipe!
              • Evil Dave: But I still don't understand why you need the recipe when you've already saved me!
            • Player: I don't know.
        • Player: You've got to tell me because the magic requires it!
          • Evil Dave: All right! Now that makes perfect sense!
          • Player: So what was it?
          • Evil Dave: What was what?
          • Player: The food you ate at the council meeting.
          • Evil Dave: It was, like, this totally evil stew!
          • Player: Evil stew? How was it evil?
          • Evil Dave: Well, it kind of tasted evil, you know? You know, how you taste something and you think, that's really EVIL?
          • Player: I think you're mixing up 'good' and 'evil' again!
          • Evil Dave: What? Well, I'm evil, and I only like evil stuff, and I liked that, so it must be evil. Right?
          • Player: I suppose that makes some kind of sense. But I need to reproduce this stew, so can you describe it in more detail?
          • Evil Dave: Well it tasted like the stews my mum makes. She puts these spices in them. But it was like she'd got the amounts totally right this time.
          • Player: Okay, I'd better talk to your mum.
        • Player: Oh, never mind.
    • Player: See you later. [If another option is chosen]

Picky Eater

  • Doris: Hello again.
  • Player: May I use your spices for making stew?
  • Doris: You can if you can find them. Dave's hell-rats stole them all!
  • Player: I'd better go and kill some hell-rats then.
Talking to Doris after killing rats
  • Doris: Hello again. Did you make your stew?
    • Player: I haven't been able to make some stew that Dave likes yet.
      • Doris: Oh, he's terribly hard to please, isn't he? I never know how to make food evil enough for him, I just have to try different things and see what he likes.
    • Player: What's it like living so close to the wilderness?
      • Doris: Oh, it's not all that bad. It was a bit scary at first but as long as I don't go past the warning signs I'm all right.
      • Doris: It's actually pretty quiet here. I used to live in Lumbridge and, let me tell you, that's the dangerous place for people like me.
      • Doris: Thieves were picking people's pockets with impunity, and killing them on the streets in broad daylight!
      • Doris: And there weren't even any guards to protect us! Not that the guards in the other cities do much good to protect people from what I've heard.
      • Doris: I just thank goodness I haven't got an Attack option any more! I wouldn't last five minutes!
    • Player: How did Dave come to be evil?
      • Doris: Oh, I don't know really. He's always been evil, I think. Maybe growing up so close to the wilderness has affected him in some way.
      • Doris: When he was little he used to want to go into Edgeville dungeon. You know how kids are, always wanting to be dungeon adventurers! But he didn't want to be a hero, he wanted to be a monster!
      • Doris: And then he spent all summer building a tree-house. Except it wasn't a tree-house, of course, it was his Tower of Fear!
      • Doris: Of course I was hoping he'd have grown out of it by now and maybe even left home. But at least it keeps him happy.
    • Player: What's happened to my cat? [If you have a hellcat out]
      • Doris: Oh, poor thing. The hell-rats do that, you know. I think a nice drink of milk would sort it out. Shall I give it one?
        • Player: Yes please!
          • Doris: Here puss...
          • Your hell-cat transforms into an ordinary cat.
        • Player: No, I like it this way.

All or Nothing

  • Evil Dave: Welcome to my BASEMENT OF DOOM!
  • Player: Could you taste this stew please?
    • If you have no spices correct
      • Evil Dave: That's nothing like the stew I tasted. All the spices are wrong.
    • If you have one spice correct
      • Evil Dave: Hmm... I think you've got the amount of one spice right, but the others are wrong.
    • If you have two spices correct
    • If you have three spices correct
    • If all spices are correct
      • Evil Dave: TOTALLY EVIL! That's EXACTLY how the stew tasted!
      • Player: Don't eat it all!
      • Player: Now I just have to go back in time and give it to your earlier self!
      • Evil Dave: What? Why can't I eat it?
      • Player: You've already eaten it! This is the stew that you remember tasting in the first place!
      • Evil Dave: So confused...

Freeing Evil Dave

  • Evil Dave: Woah, what happened?
  • Player: I've just saved you from a buffet worse than death!
  • Evil Dave: Hey, this is pretty evil stew!
  • Player: Yes. Now it's very important you remember what the stew tasted like!
  • Evil Dave: Why?
  • Player: Because... it just is!
  • Evil Dave: Okay.
  • Gypsy Aris: Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have [number] council members left to protect!